Stewart

Scene opens to two columns of five people, with an aisle in between. Man comes out, exaggerated smile on his face.

Vic: Good Morning Everybody! My name is Vic, and I will be your stewardess this morning. I mean, Stewart. I just want to say, I am really looking forward to enjoying the flight with you, and there is anything you need I mean anything, just give me a holler. Don’t be shy.

(crowd mutters to themselves)

(Vic brings an imaginary drink cart down the aisle)

Man: Excuse me, Sir. I am very thirsty. (puts napkin in collar) May I have a glass of orange juice?

Vic: Of course! (walks away) (Man looks confused)

Vic stops in his tracks, where an elderly woman is sitting.

Vic: Well, don’t you look thirsty? Can I get you anything at all, Grandma?

Elderly Lady: Well I could use some tomato Juice.

Vic pours some imaginary tomato juice, and accidently spills it on the woman.

Elderly Lady: Oh my gosh! And on my new winter whites.

Vic: Whoops! Silly me! Now is there anything else I can get you, ma’am?

Elderly Lady: Napkins? Could you give me a hand, son?

Vic: Well, I have a whole plane full of people. Not all about you, Nana! (smile still plastered on his face)

Man: Excuse me, Stewart, but where is my orange juice?

Vic: It’s Vic.

Man: I’ve been waiting half the plane ride!

Vic: Sir, I have other people to serve (still smiling.) But I could make a quick pit-stop. Now, what can I get you?

Man: Orange Juice!

Vic: Well it seems we’re all out! Isn’t that always the case (laughing) but when I make my second round, tell me if you want anything to drink. We have some lovely Strawberry Juice.

Man: I am allergic to strawberries.

Vic: What a shame. They’re a delightful fruit. (walking away)

Man: Excuse me! I am DEHYDRATING over here!

Vic: Sir, if you can’t lower your tone, I am going to have to ask you to leave this flight.

Man: I can’t we are in mid-air. (Vic walks to the front of the plane.)

Vic: Ladies and Gentlemen of this aircraft. We will be landing soon at our destination, so I would just like to express to you what a joy this flight has been. Thank you all so much, I have just had so much fun. Farewell!