The Orange (Bum Da Bum) - Part 1

(Two people are onstage, one standing while the other sits. They both look exhausted, and warn down from a strenuous conversation.)

Lyla: So… (looks inquisitively at orange)

Benjamin: Yup. (holding an orange)

Lyla: You have an orange. (moves closer to the orange, carefully)

Benjamin: I have an orange.

Lyla: And this orange… (moving closer)

Benjamin: This one here.

Lyla: You claim that this orange, in your hand- right there (points), fell from the Telocrastus. (moving closer)

Benjamin: Yes.

Lyla: Can you explain please how this orange (points again, more animatedly) “fell” from Telocratus, the PLANET?

Benjamin: Well, Telocrastus has been orbiting the Earth for near a hundred MILLION YEARS, and it (getting more and more into the story) only passes the Earth ever 2,000 YEARS, not months, not days, no. YEARS! Anyways, so they-

Lyla: But… no… (flustered) Telocrastus CAN’T EXIST! IT wouldn’t work. (loosing confidence)

…. (paces, thinking)

Benjamin: Well, actually-

Lyla: (interrupting Benjamin) Even if it did, NASA or whatever would’ve, ya know, like… seen it! They have REALLY, REALLY BIG TELESCOPES!

Benjamin: Telocrastus has a large series of rings that surrounds it entirely, making its surface blend in with the black night sky, ALMOST undetectable. Anyways, so the Telecrastians-

Lyla: (Looks at Benjamin, utterly flustered. Giving him a look, that begs him to not make his story anymore complicated)

Benjamin: (walks to Lyla) Don’t worry they’re just the extra terrestrials that inhabit Telcrastus. They’re harmless, honestly. But, they’ve been observing the human population ever since its infancy and the Earth itself. And earlier today, Telecrastus passed directly over us! For years now, they’ve been making contact with the human population but nobody has an open enough mind to believe it.

Lyla: (ultimately confused, she continues to look at the orange) And this orange…

Benjamin: This orange is how they make contact with us humans. For this is not an orange at all, but a KEY!

Lyla: (breathing heavily) A key? Eh… To what? An alien safe?

Benjamin: Now don’t be silly, it’s the key to unlocking a communication device between the Telecrastians and us humans. Look, I’ve got to go, but you can hold on to this for me. (throws orange to Lyla)

Lyla: (looks at it trying to figure out how it works, pressing buttons here and there, as she pulls hairs from her head and acts increasingly insane)

…. (remains on stage inquisitively looking at the orange throughout the entire next play)

(at the end of the play… Lyla carefully puts the orange down, having given up on trying to unlock it)

(Lyla exits, and as soon as she leaves a voice from a microphone offstage echoes a strange language that repeats many forms of “bum ba dum” as a spotlight is shown upon the orange)