Nose Gum

Characters: Boss, Worker 1, Worker 2, Worker3, Worker 4

Scene: Business meeting. Workers are sitting around a table. Boss is at the head of the table and is facing the audience.

Props: Table, Chairs, Notepad, Pencil, piece of chewed gum

Boss (claps hands together): Alright, guys. Now that you all have enjoyed your 15 minute recess let’s actually try to get something together that we can pitch to corporate.

*silence*

Boss (annoyed): Guys, come on. Corporate is downsizing this quarter. It’d be ashamed to see some of you guys- well, um.

Worker 1 (interrupting): Oh! I know!

Boss (looks and points @ worker 1): What is it, Johnson? (Points to worker 2) Write this down, Jackson!

(Worker 2 readies himself to write down Worker 1’s genius plan)

Worker 1 (looking at his hands opened up in front of him): You know how it’s hard to jog when you’re chewing gum?

Boss (staring intriguingly at Worker 1): Yes?

Worker 1 (looks up at Boss): So what if we made gum. That you chew with your nose.

Worker 3 (points at Worker 1 excitedly): That’s what we need!

Worker 4 (excitedly): Genius!

*More rabble about how good of an idea nose gum is*

Boss (interjects): Everyone! Stop!

*Rabble stops*
Boss (frustrated): Johnson that is the most idiotic, moronic, re- (catches himself) RIDICULOUS idea I have ever heard.

Worker 2: Don’t be so harsh, boss. Johnson was just brainstorming here.

Boss (now holding up his head with both of his hands on his face): How the hell. Do you even begin. To chew. Nose Gum. (Taking pauses after every sentence)

Worker 1 (reasonably): Well, gee, I don’t know, Boss. I’m just throwing things on the table here.

Worker 3 (agreeing): Yeah, boss. You never know what crazy things the kids put up their noses these days.

Worker 4 (agreeing as well): Yeah, boss. Just last week my sister’s kid-

Boss (hitting table. MAD): Guys! Let’s focus here. First off, Johnson, we are a SOFTWARE company. Not some sort of novelty nose candy joint. And second off, is that the best you guys can do? Nose gum? I’d be way more worried choking on nose gum while I’m jogging over mouth- I mean- regular gum. *sigh (calm now)*Listen. Like I said before, we only need ONE solid idea to pitch to corporate, then all you guys can go home.

*silence*

Boss (starting to get annoyed again, begins to pinch the bridge of his nose): Guys?

*silence*

Worker 4 (stupidly): Well, uh, it’s just hard to focus, you know? We’ve been sitting here practically all day.

Boss (still pinching bridge of nose): It’s 10:30 in the morning. You just GOT here.

Worker 2 (trying to be reasonable): Well, maybe if we took a breather just for say, 15- no 10 minutes. I mean it’s a win-win right? (shrugs shoulders with hands up)

*all the workers begin to converse about what a great idea that sounds*

Boss (still pinching bridge of nose): You guys want me to give you another recess?

Worker 2 (happily): That would be just swell, boss!

Boss (still pinching bridge of nose): *sighs*

Boss rubs bridge of nose while the workers nod at him to convince him to let them go for recess.

Boss (rubbing bridge of nose): Fine. Go. All of you.

*workers get up excitedly and run off stage jumping around*

*piece of gum falls out of Boss’s nose onto the table*

CURTAIN!