how to ask someone out

how to ask someone out

A boy (Joe) strides purposefully into a room with a pen and a piece of paper and sits down at a table. He bends over and starts trying to write – he’s engrossed in what he’s doing, but he keeps scratching stuff out and starting over.

One actor stands behind/near him to read what Joe is writing while Joe makes his comments (or some non-confusing way to make the distinction between his opinions and the letter).

Joe (muttering to himself):

“Dear Jane”

- no. That sounds stupid…

“Hello Jane”

- okay, no, that’s worse… what about just

“Jane”

- ... wow, that is really incredibly boring… but I don’t have anything better… oh crap. Comma or dash after the name? A comma is so… formulaic, but maybe a dash is too familiar…

“I wanted to let you know”

- ugh, that’s so formal…

“I need to tell you something”

- and that sounds like a sappy romance movie… how about

“I wanted to tell you… that I like you”

- that sounds like I’m five…

“that I really like you”

- that is not better…

“that I think you’re pretty”

- god, what am I, in kindergarten?...

“that I think you’re beautiful”

- … is that cliché? whatever...

“and I… would like to… get to know you better”

- okay, definitely not, that sounds creepy and biblical and wrong… ew

“I’d like to… hang out with you sometime”

- that’s dumb, we already hang out…

“go out with you sometime”

- is that awkward?... maybe I should be specific…

“go to a movie…”

- no, that’s so bad seventies movie…

“get coffee with you sometime”

- … is that too generic and boring? Does it even sound like I’m asking her out? Friends can go get coffee too… Putting it in a letter makes it sound like such a big deal, it’s just coffee… except I want it to be a date… ugh! Not like she’d go out with me anyway… This is crap.

He frustratedly balls up the letter and pushes it aside. He puts his head in his hands (or something similarly frustrated/unhappy). A girl (Jane) walks in. Joe doesn’t notice her.

Jane: Hey Joe.

Joe (jumps and hides the balled-up letter): Uh- oh- hey Jane!

Jane: What’s wrong?

Joe: Uh, it’s nothing.

Jane: You sure? You seem kind of down.

Joe: Nah, it’s not- it’s no big deal.

So what’s up, did you need me for something?

Jane: Yeah, actually, I wanted to ask you – do you want to get coffee sometime? Like a date?

Joe (happy and trying not to show it, stuttering awkwardly): Really? Uh- yeah, sure- that’d be- great.

Jane: Cool! Are you free this afternoon?

Joe: Um, yeah actually. I’m not really doing anything, so actually, um, now’s… totally… good too… Or later, whichever is good for you, I mean, I’m really fine either way.

Jane: Awesome. Shall we? (she’s really smooth here – the dialogue can change to reflect it)

Joe (maybe laughs awkwardly): yeah… Here, let me just get rid of this…

He gets up and throws the letter away, then walks over to Jane. He hesitates, half-reaching out to grab her hand, and then pulls back. She gives him an amused look and loops her arm through his. They walk out.

CURTAIN