Stagewrecked

An actor sits cross-legged in the middle of the stage. He or she has a slip of paper, a pencil stub, and a glass bottle. The actor scribbles something on the paper, rolls it up, puts it in the bottle, and rolls the bottle across the stage so that it (gently) bumps an audience member’s shoe or is directly in front of one. If said audience member does not take the hint, the actor should not directly acknowledge this, but should mime distress and begin spelling out SOS on the ground (using programs, jackets, bags, etc. borrowed from nearby audience members.)

The paper will read something like, “Stranded in a 2-minute play with no plot or any hope of a curtain soon.” Maybe it should also prompt the recipient to read it out loud.

As it is being read, the actor will pull out a second bottle and slip of paper, and roll it to a different audience member.

This paper will read approximately, “Save yourselves. Run.”

(If people actually start running, someone probably ought to yell curtain before they get too far. This is unlikely to happen.)

After this message is “sent”, the actor pulls out yet another bottle. This one should be rolled to a third audience member.

This bottle’s message will read, “Two laps around the stage should do it.”

If the audience member is a true Samaritan, he or she will run (eh, jog) the two laps at which point the stranded actor should pull the kind audience member into an uncomfortable hug and express disproportionate gratitude. At some point during that: curtain.

If the audience member does not follow the directions, the actor can pull out a fourth bottle and send one last note to a fourth audience member.

It can say something generally desperate like “I know you wouldn’t let me down, would you?” or something more specific if the actor feels so moved.

If at that point no one has followed the instructions, the actor should pretend to die. After several seconds other actors can come drag the first offstage, distraught.

CURTAIN.