Thursday, February 24, 2011

If I’m Not Here, It’s Because I Left


Two people are sitting down. Person #2 is minding their own business. Person #1 starts talking to them

Person #1 : When you wake up and im not here, it’s because I left.

Person #2 pauses, looks up at person #1 confused and says: Wait what?

Person #1: No no no! shhh! Don’t speak! (holds finger up to person #2’s mouth, shushing them). If im not here, it’s because I left. (Hand returns to side) I understand its difficult to comprehend such, such -(pauses as to look for the right word ) Difficult - thinking.

(quizzical and annoyed look on person #2’s face) Person #2: What are you talking about?! It is not complex at all. If you aren’t here, of course you have left….

Person #1: Ah, you are doing well, my cricket. But tell me, I pray you, if I have left, did I go right?

Person #2 (waits for a few moments): Yea I have no idea what you are talking about. Are you asking me if leaving is a justifiable action? Because if you are, I’d say sure I guess. I mean, it’s your choice.

Person #1: Ah! You are so naïve. I have so much to teach you! But no, I was not asking about your silly “justifiable actions” (air quotes) I was simply referring to, hmm. How can I explain this? The way to follow so that one does not get lost. We will call them “directions?” Yes. Directions! Say, out of this cafe? So again I ask, do I go right out of here or…

Person #2: Okayyy…Yea, take a right and follow that street straight into town. (pointing with hands). Although I’m not sure where you are heading

Person #1 : Thank you Thank you. I want you to understand something, again it’s a – (person # 2 adds difficult) – idea. Life is a mystery and I dream as I live – alone.

Person #2: What the fuck is going on here? Who are you anyway?

Person #1 (has been gathering belongings, puts on hat and heads towards the door): They call me….Gatsby.

Person #2 (picks up cell phone and makes a phone call): Hey mom? Yea, we need to talk about that search ad you started. Stop telling people I’m looking for Gatsby. It’s ruining my life.


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