Adversity as a White Middle-Class Private School Child

Scene: A table, two chairs, a clock which ticks loudly, and a banner of the college.

Two people enter, a college admissions member, Joel, and Emily, senior in high school. The girl is nervous, but composed. They sit down. (The name Emily can definitely be changed.)

Joel: So, Emily, it’s nice to meet you. My name is Joel, I’m a senior here.

Emily: It’s nice to meet you too.

Joel: Thank you. Just a little bit about myself: I play soccer and ultimate frisbee. I’m captain of our world-ranked all male a cappella group. In my free time a tutor inner-city kids in Spanish and Chinese and I rescue puppies from shelters and train them to save people from burning buildings. I am majoring in computer science, Russian literature, and chemical biology. He pulls out a sheet of paper with a bunch of check boxes on it. I see that you had biology down as one of your interests but then crossed it out for physics.

Emily: Oh, yes...

Two other girls appear, off to the side, next to Emily. They are her conscience.

Girl One: We never put down biology!

Girl Two: It was the computer. It had to have been.

Girl One: Does he hate us now?

Girl Two: Whatever happened to pen and paper? Internet connection was terrible that day.

Girl One: We’re never getting into college.

Girl Two: Shhh. He’s saying something. What’s his name again?

Girl One: Joel.

Girl Two: Do you think he’s Italian?

Girl One: We’re definitely never getting in now.

Joel: So, tell me a little bit about yourself.

Emily: Well, I play field hockey...

Joel: Yeah, that’s no longer a sport here. We’ve got broom ball now.

Emily (with a strained laugh): Yeah, I’ve heard. That should be an interesting sport to try.

Girl One: There’s no field hockey? Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Grades and SAT scores alone aren’t getting us in! Why’d we even play? It’s no good here! It’s like bringing Monopoly money to play Life. Our check has bounced. We might as well just go home.

Girl Two: There’s money in Life?

Girl One: Yeah, remember, with those little cars.

Girl Two: Oh yeah... focus!

Girl One: Right sorry... crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!

Joel: So, what are some of the reasons you like our college?

Emily: Well, I’m looking for a school with serious academics and a real intellectual feel. I’m kind of a dork and it’d be nice to be in a school where everyone has just as much fun studying as me.

Girl One: Oh shit. Does that mean we just called him a dork? Does he look offended?

Girl Two: No. I don’t think so. This is going all wrong. Let’s just stop talking.

Girl One: He’s not saying anything. Should we continue?

Girl Two: No. I refuse.

Girl One: We can’t just leave her standing there.

Girl Two: Say something funny.

Girl One: Uh....

Emily: Also, it will be nice to be in a city that’s actually alive and prosperous. Cleveland’s pretty much dead.

Girl Two: That was funny? Girl One shrugs.

Joel: My family was one of the founders of Cleveland. We’ve lived there since its inception.

The two girls are stunned, mouths open, frozen. Girl One buries her face in her hands.

Girl Two: Shit!

Emily is still for a moment.

Girl One: Smile!

Emily grins a wide nervous smile.

Girl Two: No! Be serious.

Emily stops smiling.

Girl One: Don’t listen to her, smile!

Emily smiles.

Girl Two: No, don’t!

Emily stops smiling.

This continues on a couple more times quickly, making Emily look likes she having a nervous tick.

Joel: Are you all right?

Girl Two: Now look what you’ve done!

Girl One: Me! It was you! Well, either way, how are we going to fix it.

Girl Two: Um...

Emily: Sorry, I have... Tourettes.

Girl One: Really? Tourettes. Great job.

Joel: Oh sorry. You handle it well. Can you talk about how that’s proved to be some adversity in your life?

Girl Two: Oh here we go! The stupid adversity question. If they wanted all the kids at their college to have great big problems in their life why don’t they just go pick up all the kids in the psych wards.

Girl One: Oh hush. That’s not nice. Focus.

Girl Two: Focus on what? We’re a white middle class private school girl whose only adversity in life is that our family only has two cars and our mom still drives us to school and we take the bus home with all the freshmen. Yeah, that’s a problem.

Girl One: We need some time to think...

Emily (awkwardly): Can you elaborate on that question?

Joel (confused): I mean, has having Tourettes caused obstacles in your life?

Emily: Uh...

Girl One: Oh no, Houston we have a problem, we are spacing out!

Girl Two: Roger that. She is over and out. We have lost contact with the Emily.

Girl One: Do you have a visual?

Girl Two: Negative. She is gone.

Joel (nervous looking): Emily?

Emily: Yes?

Girl One: And we’re back!

Girl Two: It’s your turn to think of something.

Girl One: Well, there is...

Emily: Sorry, ADD as well.

Joel (really uncomfortable and quickly rescanning his clipboard): Oh, wow. Okay. So, well, why don’t we move on to another question. What is your favorite subject in school?

Emily: I think I would have to go with English.

Joel: Why?

Emily: Well, I really like the way people are able to communicate how they are feeling so simply through the written word. It’s a really powerful mode of communication that I think is become rather understated in today’s technology driven world.

Girl One (beaming and clapping): Well done Emily! Well down!

Girl Two (tearing up, daps eyes with tissue): That was just beautiful! A true masterpiece. I could not have put in better myself.

Joel: That’s really interesting. Do you have any plans to major in English?

Emily: You know, I’m really not sure. I’d really like to study other subjects that I’ve never had the chance to study before first. Did you know right away that you wanted to study biology?

Joel (short): Yes.

Emily: Oh. That’s nice then... to know... what you want to do - in life.

Joel gives a slight smile. He gives a quick but noticeable glance at the clock.

Girl Two: Oh no he didn’t. Did you see what I just saw?

Girl One: What? Our academic future going down the drain?

Girl Two: He just snuck a peak at the clock. While we’re in the room!

Girl One (dramatically): Oh! We’re doomed! The boat is sinking!

Girl Two: I don’t believe it!

Girl One: We’ve hit the ice berg! The orchestra is playing! Rose is taking up the entire raft!

Girl Two: Oh Emily do something!

Girl One begins to emit a loud siren like noise every few seconds.

Girl Two: Will you shut up!

Girl One continues wailing like a siren.

Girl Two: Oh shit, shit, shit, shit. She falls to the floor and rolls into the tornado drill form, head tucked down on her chest.

Joel: So, read any good books lately?

Girl One stops wailing immediately.

Girl Two (head raised): Did he just say books?

Girl One: I think he did.

The two share a conspiring glance.

Girl Two: Well then...

Girl One: Let’s talk about books.

Emily: Well, I’ve just read this really great book by Cormac McCarthy, who’s this unbelievably realistic dark author who made me afraid to sleep for weeks; and over the summer I read the whole Lord of the Rings trilogy, which is a great showcase of the power of the mind’s imagination to create not only characters and plot, but a whole other world and species and language; but I think one of my favorite books of all time would still have to be Charlotte’s Web...