Two men, rather nerdy looking, decide to finally get off of their xbox live and try to go to a club. This is their first time out in over 5 years. Bartholomew and Egmont take the leap from their mothers' homes and enter the best club in town: Paradise.
Egmont: So what do we do now?
Bartholomew: Uhhhh I don't know, what do people do at this place?
Egmont: I think we should go sit at that big wooden stand.
Bartholomew: Which one are you talking about?
Egmont: That desk (points straight ahead) like the one from the original Star Trek Season 2 episode 4 where Spock wrote the agreement on.
Bartholomew: OOOO you should have just said that in the first place.
The two men take a seat at the bar.
Bartender: What would you two gentleman like?
Egmont: Do you have coolade?
Bartender: (With a completely puzzled look) No I'm sorry, would you like a Budweiser instead?
Both of the men's faces instantly lit up
Bartholomew/ Egmont: What is Budweiser?!?!
Bartender:(Still with a puzzled look) Its beer
Egmont: Absolutely not! My mother said beer will give me cancer.
Bartender: OK then, I guess two waters.
Out of nowhere the Bartholomew spots two beautiful ladies on the other side of the bar and are instantly intrigued.
Bartholomew: Egmont! Egmont! Egmont! (tapping egmont on the arm) look at those two women to your left.
Egmont sneeks a look, and says: WOW! They are almost as good looking as Betty White.
Bartholomew: How dare you!!! No woman will ever match up to Betty. Nonetheless they are still very pretty.
Egmont: Should we go talk to them?
Bartholomew: Yes I think that is a good idea.
Egmont: Great! This is a good time to use the new App I just downloaded for my Iphone called “Pick Up Lines- 100% Guarantee”.
Egmont walks across the bar and approaches the women.
Egmont: Hello ladies! O wait is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.
Henrieta: Uhm hello my name is Henrieta and no I am sorry but there is no mirror in my pocket, and you will not be getting in my pants.
Egmont, disappointed, turns to the other woman and says: Your name must be Campbells because you're mmm mmm good.
Gertrude: I am sorry Egmont, but my name is not Campbells, it is Gertrude.
Egmont: Gertrude! What a beautiful name. Have you ever had a favorite teddy bear?
Bartholomew is laughing back at his seat at the act Egmont is pulling off.
Gertrude: Yes I had a teddy bear when I was 10 years old that I would sleep with all the time.
Egmont: So did I, but I lost him, would you sleep with me instead?
Gertrude: No!!! I would never sleep with you.
Egmont, looking down at his phone: How about you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up.
Gertrude: Egmont, I am very sorry but I will not sit on your lap. That will simply not hap_
Egmont interrupts: Do you have a map? Because I am lost in your eyes.
Gertrude: Egmont, I will simply not continue with thi_
Egmont once again interrupts: if you were a booger, i'd pick you.
Henrieta: OK im gonna stop you now! That was disgusting.
Egmont: Henrieta, where have I seen you before? Oh yeah it was in the dictionary next to the word BAM.
Henrieta: Ok now your just talking nonesense. Please Stop.
Bartholomew walks over to the ladies and Egmont.
Bartholomew: Ladies, im Bartholomew and I am very sorry for my friend's behavior, (Now speaking to Gertrude) but hey do you have a cell phone? Because my friends told me to call them if I saw an angel.
Gertrude : Well Bartholomew! You are such a handsome fella I would love to give you my phone number.
Egmont and Henrieta are both speechless.
Bartholomew: Thank you so much. And I must say! What a stunning dress, it would look wonderful in a pile on my floor in the morning.
Gertrude: WOW. No man has ever spoken to me in that way, I would love to go back to your house with you.
Bartholomew and Gertrude walk off while Egmont's jaw drops from disbelief and Henrieta orders a drink.
Henrieta: I NEED A SHOT!
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