Queen Brittany

Characters: A man and a woman

Setting: Bus

One day a couple is sitting on a bus. The man is a crossword junky and is annoying and furiously working on his crossword while the woman next to him seems to be incredibly upset and annoyed by him.

W: (She scoffs at the man being so loud with his pencil and newspaper and his grunts as he works.)

M: (Acts oblivious to how annoying he is.)

W: (Goes into pocket and gets out a crumpled lottery ticket. She straightens it out and begins to fumble with it)

M: (Still oblivious.)

W: (She finally turns to him and says…) CAN YOU JUST STOP MAKING ALL THAT DAMN NOISE?!

W: (As she goes to speak sees a page of the newspaper, sticking out of his folded paper, with the winning lottery ticket numbers. Her eyes widen and mouth drops, she has a shocked expression. She looks back at the lottery ticket and then around the bus, still shocked and begins to murmur the numbers.)

W: “5,12,34,38,59, 8” (She gets louder as she says the numbers and begins to repeat them until she is basically screaming. Then turns to the man breathing heavily)

M: (He has a blank expression and only turns toward her after she’s staring at him for several seconds)

W: do you know what this means? Do you…know what…this means?! IT MEANS I’M A MILLIONARE! This small, flimsy ticket means I can afford my rent and pay the electricity bill! I can buy a new dress and maybe some shoes! Hell I can buy the whole goddamn department store! I’ll find a husband, someone much better looking and intelligent than you! That’s right! You heard me correct mister! We’re over! No more use for your cramped apartment that smells like rotten apples and your mangy hamsters! I’ll buy a huge boat and name it after myself, Queen.(she sighs)Brittany, the most beautiful boat in the entire bay. And, I’ll buy a brand new flaming red sports car so I don’t have to ride this godforsaken bus one more time! (The woman continues to ramble and day dream and in the frenzy and joy grabs his newspaper and throws it into the air. It falls to the ground. Finally when she’s done she turns back to the man with an enormous smirk on her face)

M: (The man points to the paper.)

W: (She sees him pointing and says…) Enough with your crossword, you just got dumped by a millionaire! You have more important, more beautiful, richer things to cry about than your dirty newspaper!

M: (He picks his newspaper up from the floor and shakes it off. He creases it, folds it in half and straightens it out. Calmly, he turns it in front of her and points to the date.)

W: I already saw my numbers you numbskull!

M: What’s the date, my darling dearest? (He says with a certain satisfaction.)

W: November 21^st idiot!

M: (He points again to the paper.)

M: Too bad this papers from the 4^th.

(The bus stops, he stands up and as he exits the bus turns around and says) better luck next time Queen Brittany.

W: (Her smirks disappears and she sinks to the floor.)