The French Revolution

Setting: The executioner and a French man walk up to the guillotine

Observer in the crowed looks out at the line of people waiting to be executed and says to the guy next to him: Damn, execution, execution, execution. That Louis is one tough son of a bitch.

Executioner to the Jacques: Do you have any last requests before you must die?

Jacques: no.

Executioner: Do you require a blindfold?

Jacques: no.

Executioner: Do you require any prayer of sort?

Jacques: no.

Executioner: How about a hug?

Jacques: (Warily) no….

Jacques walks up and sees the blade

Jacques: (Panicked) Holy shit, uh actually I have a last request!

Executioner: Yes, what is it?

Jacques: Novocaine!

Executioner: (Pauses) no such thing exists.

Jacques: Vicodin, opium, anything. Damn it just give me something to take the edge off.

Executioner: Uh…all I see is some dead rat. You see, the people are really suffering right now and living is a little rough.

Jacques: (Desperate) Yes I am quite aware of this fact.

Executioner Just lay down and I’ll be right back (he walks away while the man puts his head under the blade.

(Blade starts falling down)

Jacques: Shit! Now how is Dickens going to write a long, overly detailed book about me if I don’t get to say some monumental line about doing good shit for others? (he dies)

The Last Supper

Table of apostles sitting down with Jesus in the center

(Socrates walks into the room)

Judas: Socrates what are you doing here? You don’t belong in this era. Go away, no one likes a bullshit philosopher.

Socrates: Can’t I please stay? I brought food and cookies, and after all, this may very well be your last supper!

Judas: No. We’re too busy discussing Jesus here (motions to Jesus) to deal with epistemology and logic. Leave us alone!

Socrates: Ok, ok, no need to get angry.

Judas: Leave!

Socrates: OK! Jesus!

Jesus: yes?

Socrates: What?

Jesus: What?

Socrates: What?

Jesus: Yes

Socrates: Jesus!

Jesus: Yes

Socrates: What?

Jesus: What?

Socrates: You said what.

Jesus: You said what.

Judas: This is no time for some kind of the Socratic method!

Socrates: Damn it! Even my philosophy is easier to understand. You biblical figures are impossible. Can’t you just make things clear, break it down into a series of logical questions, like life and death. There’s no such thing as an in between!

Jesus: What the hell is he talking about?

Socrates: Nothing, nothing. I’m leaving.