God?

A girl is kneeling and praying.

Girl: “And god, I hope I get an A on my test. Please bless my little brother. I abuse him.”

God: “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Voice comes from nowhere. Actually behind stage.
Girl: “Who is that?

God: “Me. God. The person you’re praying to.” Annoyed.

Girl: “Oh. You can see me?” Surprised

God: “Yes, I’m always looking at you. Even when you’re in the shower.” Says creepily

Girl: “Creepy. Isn’t that sexual harassment?”

God: “Not if you’re good looking.” Says slyly

Girl: “What?” Slightly scared

God: “Hey, I’m gorgeous and you’re the one who abuses a little kid.”

Girl: “I meant I beat him up.”

God: “Felon.”

Girl: “Perv.” Childishly

God: “I’m your deity. I’ll destroy you if I think you’re homosexual.”

Girl: “Tone it down, someone’s gonna think I’m crazy, talking to myself.”

God: “I find that funny that crazy behavior is so close to religious behavior, we can’t tell them apart.”

Girl: “Stop insulting me.”

God: “Stop insulting me.” Says mockingly

Girl: “Just out of curiosity, why can I hear you?”
God: “Cuz I’m everywhere.”

Girl: “How is that possible?”

God: “That’s what she said. Really, that’s what she said.”

Girl: “Oh. Can I see you?”

God: “No.” Says quickly

Girl: “Can you do something to prove your there?”

God: “No.” Says quickly

Girl: “Then how do I know you exist?”
God: “Cuz I said so.”

Girl: “That’s stupid.”

God: “Hey! Watch your fucking language. You know, I’ll send Jesus back down and he’ll destroy you all.”

Girl: “You’re going to reincarnate a dead guy?”

God: “Yes.”

Girl: “That’s wonderful. Can you reincarnate my cat? I gave it some broken glass. Yah, that wasn’t that smart. Don’t eat broken glass.”

God: “Why are my followers so dumb?”

Girl: “Did you just call me dumb?”

God: “Yes.”

Girl: “You know what?”

“What?”

Girl: “I’m becoming an atheist.”

God: “Why?”
Girl: “Because I hate you.”
God: “Well, I don’t hate you. I love you. I love furry kittens. I love little kids. Especially when they sit on my lap.”

Girl: “Get out.”

God: “Make me.”

Girl: “Praise Allah!”

God: “Oh myself. (Instead of Oh my god) Allah, how are you able to do that? No! Stop hitting me!” Crashing and slapping/punching sounds

Girl smiles and interlaces her fingers deviously.