Remix

Stage: At center stage sits a table with 4 chairs. All of them are filled with students. One boy sitting at the table is listening to his ipod. After a few moments of bopping along to the beat he begins to sing loudly. He has both earbuds in.

James: (singing) Here’s the situation, been to every nation (enter Celia from stage right James doesn’t notice) nobody’s every made me feel that you do, (doesn’t stop)

While he continues to sing, all of the other students get up and leave with expressions of frustration and disgust

Celia: Hey James (tentatively but growing progressively louder when James doesn’t notice her)

James: You know my motivation given my reputation, please excuse me I don’t mean to be rude, but tonight I’m fu—[1]

Celia: JAMES!

James: (removes 1 earbud twirls it around his finger carelessly) Oh, sorry I didn’t see you there, Celia, how’s it going

Celia: (twirling hair) Oh, I’m good, um how about you?

James: Ok, (scrolls through playlist without really making eye contact.)

Celia pauses for a moment, James, thinking the conversation is over puts his second earbud back in

Celia: So like I hear you play basketball? Did you win last night?

James: (singing without looking up) All I do is win, win, win no matter what[2]!

Celia: (singing along for a moment) Got money on my mind, (stops singing) So anyway, I was like I like—

James: (singing) Baby I Like it, they way you move on the floor!

Celia: Oh, I love Enrique Iglesias. So like I guess you’re like really into like music, right?

James: (rapping) Music is like magic there’s a certain feeling you get when you reel and—[3]

Celia: (cutting him off), James, (choosing her words slowly and carefully) How was your um, (searching for a word) humanities test?

James: It sucked I like totally failed it.

Celia: (sighs in relief) Well one test, it probably won’t even matter anyw—

James: (singing) In the end it doesn’t even matter[4]!

Celia: (giving up with the words) So James I was um like I was thinking, well maybe sometime, (loses control of words for a moment, James is silent looking at her intently)

James: (after a pause right before Celia continues to speak) (rapping) I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE, YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN’T DENY[5]!

Celia: What?

James: (startled as if noticing her for the first time removes one earbud) Oh, sorry I love that song, it just came on.

Celia: (grows so impatient that she blurts) Will you go out with me? (Covers her mouth)

James: (singing falsetto) This is the potential breakup song[6]

Celia: We aren’t together yet James, but like I just want you to know

James: (singing) I want to be your Romeo, hey Juliet[7]!

Celia: Does that mean yes?

James: No,

Celia: But James, I think I’m like in love with you!

James: (singing) Girl’s gotta love like woe[8]!

Celia: Please James (starts singing desperately) Baby please don’t GOOOOOO[9]!

James: (singing wagging his finger at her) ‘Cause it ‘aint no lie, baby BYE BYE BYE[10] (exits stage left)

Celia chases after him for a moment then returns to center stage music begins to play the students originally sitting at the table reenter from stage right and stand in the background

Celia: I AM IN MISERY THERE AINT NOBODY WHO CAN COMFORT ME[11]

While she sings James creeps back onstage from stage right and comes right up behind her

Students: (singing) OH YEAH

James: (singing) Why won’t you answer me? This solitude’s slowly killing me[12].

Celia glares at him, and he runs off stage right

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[1] Enrique Iglesias: Tonight (I’m Loving You) [feat. Ludacris & DJ Frank E]

[2] DJ Khalad: All I Do Is Win [feat. T-Pain, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg & Rick Ross]

[3] Eminem: ‘Till I Collapse [feat. Nate Dogg]

[4] Linkin Park: In The End

[5] Sir Mix-A-Lot: Baby Got Back

[6] Aly & AJ: Potential Breakup Song

[7] LMNT: Juliet

[8] The Ready Set: Love Like Woe

[9] Mike Posner: Please Don’t Go

[10] NSYNC: Bye Bye Bye

[11] Maroon 5: Misery

[12] Ibid.