The Child is the Father of the Man

The Child Is the Father of the Man

Dramatis Personae

Willy: Father and husband who still can't believe he is in his 40's.

Cynthia: Wife and mother who still can't believe that over a dozen years of training has yet to rub off

on her husband.

Griffin: Precocious son who still can't believe his father isn't his big brother.

[A winter afternoon. Father and son are playing catch with a football. Father throws the ball and it

drops out of the son’s hand. Son throws the ball but it bounces as it drops half way between them. The

father is clearly frustrated with his son's inability to catch or throw a football.]

Willy: All these years I prayed for a son – for this!

Griffin (frustrated): Dad, I'm doing the best I can – and you know I don't like football.

Willy: O. K. O.K. Why don't we knock off some of those icicles?

Griffin (reproaching): Dad, I don't think that is a very good idea.

Willy (interrupting abruptly): Don't worry: it'll be fun!

[Willy tosses the football at icicles, knocking them to the ground.]

Griffin: Dad, that’s awesome.

[Willy repeats the feat]

Griffin (clearly impressed): That’s way cool.

Willy: You think that’s good. You ain’t seen nothing yet. Watch THIS!

[Willy takes one extra hearty heave. He breaks a window. Both react with horror]

Willy: Holy crap!

Griffin: Mom's gonna freak when she hears about this!

Willy: Holy crap! [Catches his breath and thinks a second] Griffin, you know that if mom finds out

about this I'll get into way more trouble than you would. [Pause as he thinks, schemes, and shakes off

any pangs of conscience] If she asks you, say you did it.

Griffin (indignant): No way, Dad.

Willy: No, it's simple. You were trying to be helpful and you got carried away.

Griffin (even more indignant): But that would be lying.

Willy: I'll pay you a dollar.

Griffin (even more indignant and a little insulted): That's chump change.

Willy: O. K. I'll pay you $10 – but that's my whole allowance.

Griffin (so indignant he has that calm, scary voice): That's not what I mean. A wise man once told

me: “A man has to take responsibility for his actions, no matter the consequences.”

Willy: That's ridiculous. What idiot gave you such a foolish piece of advice?

Griffin (rolling his eyes): You did, Dad. Don't you remember all those lessons you taught me?

Whatever happened to “honesty is the best policy?” (Pause as he notices his father's seeming

ignorance) Besides, she'd never believe I could throw the football that far.

Willy (shaking head): You have a point.

Cynthia (off stage): How is everything going out there? Do you need any help? I thought I heard

something.

Willy (panicking): Holy crap! She's coming down to investigate. We're toast (Looks at son). What do

I do?

Griffin (calmly): First, you are toast -- and second, you look Mom in the eye and tell it was all your

fault.

Willy: Why?

Griffin: “A man must take responsibility for his actions, no matter the consequences.”

[Willy sizes up his manhood, makes a muscle and sucks in his gut.]

Willy: O. K. I can do this. Let me practice on you. Cynthia, the window was broken. No, that won't

do. Cynthia, it was all my fffff. It was all my ffffffff. Why is this so hard?

Griffin: Just say “I broke the window, dear.”

Willy: O. K. Cynthia, the window breaking occurred with my involuntary causation. How was that?

Griffin: It'll have to do. Here she is.

Cynthia: Is anything the matter, Willy?

Willy (takes a deep breath, grasps his wife by the hand, and winks at son): Cynthia, do you remember

when I proposed to you? [As she looks in the direction of the window, he gently turns her gaze in the

opposite direction] And all my friends tried to talk you out of it?

Cynthia (dreamily): Yes, Willy.

Willy: And do you remember what they told?

Cynthia (adoringly): That you were incapable of growing up and having a mature relationship?

Willy (sheepish): Well, they were right.

Cynthia (shaken from her reverie): Oh no, this doesn't sound very good. What have you done this

time, William?

[Willy moves his mouth but nothing comes out.]

Cynthia: William, tell me this instant what is going on!

Willy (softly): I broke the window.

Cynthia: What did you say?

Willy (more confidently): I broke the window.

Cynthia (laughing): Is that all? With all the commotion I feared the worse. Silly me. I thought you

forgot the baby at the mall again. [Kisses him and exits stage right]

[Willy looks at Griffin, counts on his fingers, and looks back at Griffin]

Willy: Honey, I have to run some errands. Can I get you anything?