The Phone Book

[this play is about a liberal conservative succumbing to the effects of technology]

[John is reading a book and is sitting on a table. He seems to be engrossed in his novel when Fred walks in]

Fred: John, you’re always reading books sitting on that table at 4:30 P.M. Every day.

John: It’s what I do.

Fred: You’re that typical liberal-conservative character. You voted democratic last time because that’s your tradition.

John: it’s what I do.

[Fred runs around to the other side of John and gets in position trying to see John’s face]

Fred: You don’t seem to incorporate logic in your thoughts.

John: it’s what I do, and I won’t change.

Fred: Oh, really? I bet I can make you change.

John: I’ll let you try.

[Fred sits next to John on the table and they both stare out into space for around 15 seconds. Then, John breaks the silence]

John: I’m really hungry. It’s 4:35 anyway, time for ordering food.

Fred: [still sitting next to John] Let’s order some Chinese food.

John: No, I never eat Chinese food because my family never did. I’m ordering some Greek. Let me go get my phone book.

Fred: [sighs, then] You really don’t need that. Here, I’ll find their number and we can order online on my phone.

John: Wait.

[John walks off stage. Then 10 seconds later walks back with a stack of phone books and puts them all on the table.]

Fred: [gets off the table and looking exasperated says:] Why….I could just find their number.

John: Stop! I’ll do it my way. [starts flipping through each phone book, humming as he does so, for around 15 seconds. Meanwhile, Fred is ordering food on his phone for himself]

[after Fred is done, Fred puts his phone away and turns towards John]

Fred: All right, you can continue how you do it. My food is ordered and I’m going to pick it up now. I’ll see you later

[Fred turns around and starts to walk off stage until John screams behind him]

John: Waaitt! Let me come with you!

Fred: [continues walking] I didn’t order for you! You have your phone book

John: [starts to run after Fred] I’ll renounce my ways! I am succumbing to phones and technology – I’m feeling it in my blood. Just get me food! Traditionally [emphasize], food has been the center of my life

Fred: You really are unfixable. Sorry, dude. [walks off stage with John running behind him]