Third Wheel

Players:

Girlfriend… about 15-18 years old

Boyfriend… about 15-18 years old

Third Wheel…. Female, about 15-18 years old

Stage bright, as if midday, three chairs in a row, downstage center.

Voice (announcing, like a voice in a car advertisement, radio station, etc.): meet the happy couple!

Boyfriend and girlfriend walk onto stage, smiling, holding hands, wearing backpacks (in school).

Voice (same tone as before): meet the third wheel!

Girl(third wheel) walks onto stage, smiling, prancing/skipping somewhat. Goes between couple, separating them, and holds both of their hands, walking between them. The three teens exit the stage.

Voice: meet the not-so-happy-anymore-couple!

Girlfriend enters stage a step in front of her boyfriend, arms crossed, pouting, shaking her head. Boyfriend is obviously pleading with her, hands outstretched, trying to get her to listen to him. They are holding brown paper bags (lunch). They sit down on the two side chairs, not next to one another. Neither of them opens their lunch bags.

Third wheel enters stage. Skips/prances with her lunch, sits in middle chair. Hums to self. Doesn’t notice tension between two friends.

Third Wheel(in sing-songy voice): luchtime is the best time of the day, HEY!

Takes out sandwich, takes a big bite. Chews happily, humming. Notices something is wrong, looks up at one friend, and then the other, back and forth.

Third Wheel: so… That math test was easy, huh!?

silence

Third Wheel: clears thoat. uhhh… wanna hear a joke?!

Silence

Third wheel (as happily and annoyingly-bubbly as ever): silence means yes! ok! Here’s a good one… Why do giraffe’s have long necks?

Pause. Third wheel nudges boyfriend.

Boyfriend (in a quiet grunt): evolution.

Third Wheel(laughing): no!!!... Because their feet smell bad! Here’s another, Why did the scarecrow get the science award?

Silent Pause.

Third wheel looks from one friend to the other, they shake their heads fractionally.

Third wheel: He was the best in his field! Laughs obnoxiously loud. Ok, well if THOSE won’t get you, how about this: A mushroom walks into a bar and sees an attractive lady mushroom. He asks her out on a date and she declines. He replies, “Why not?! I’m a fungi!!” laughs hysterically at self, slapping the knees of her friends. Get it!? A fun-guy? Fungi? Giggles.

Boyfriend and girlfriend don’t break a smile, still brooding to themselves.

Third Wheel (looking at watch, putting lunch waste back into paper bag): Alrighty then, time to go to class.

Third wheel attempts to take both of their hands again, like before. They both shake her off slightly. She fiddles with her hands, as if trying to play-off the situation like she didn’t just get scorned.

Third wheel (showing no signs of being upset in her voice, bubbly and happily as always): ok, I’m off to history! See you guys later!

Third Wheel skips off stage, humming to herself.

Boyfriend and girlfriend are still seated, angled away from one another.

Blackout.

Curtain.