The Takeover

The takeover

The curtain rises. MR. RICHARDSON, a middle-aged math teacher, lectures his class while drawing on an invisible black-board. He talks very slowly and monotonously, pausing between virtually every word. He stands stage-right, and there is a chair at the back of the stage behind him. Five desks are arranged in a diagonal from the front of the stage on the left to more back on the right so that all of their inhabitants can be seen. From stage-left to stage-right they are: KENNY, a nerdy boy with glasses who is constantly switching back and forth between staring eagerly at the board and muttering to himself while writing feverishly in a notebook; CASSANDRA, a bored-looking girl in a letterman jacket who stares blankly at the board, once in a while pulling out a mirror to check her makeup; ROBBY, a good kid who is paying attention but seems to be anxious about something; JACK, Robby’s best friend, who is also paying attention but is looking at Robby every few seconds; and VICTOR, who is clearly not paying attention but instead is rocking out to his ipod and playing games on his laptop.

RICHARDSON

And... as... you can... see... when... you add... two... X... and... two... Y...

He keeps lecturing. Robby looks anxiously at Jack.

ROBBY

Now?

JACK

(Supportively/worriedly)

Now!

They both jump out of their seats and run to the front of the room, and Robby grabs the chalk right out of Richardson’s hand. Richardson stares at them for a moment.

RICHARDSON

(Confused)

What... are... you... boys... doing?

ROBBY

(Confidently)

We’re taking over the class, Mr. R. We want to actually learn something new, so it’s time for you to leave.

JACK

(Firmly)

You tell him, Robby.

(Mocking Richardson)

So.. take... a... seat... now!

Robby looks at him, not amused.

JACK

(Sheepishly)

Sorry!

RICHARDSON

(Dumbfounded)

If... it’s... what... you... really...

ROBBY

(Impatiently)

Yes, Mr. R., it’s what we want.

(Gesturing toward the chair)

Now please!

Jack imitates his gesture beside him.

RICHARDSON

I’ll... just... go... sit... in..

ROBBY

(Losing it)

Ok, thank you!

Richardson meanders over to the chair and starts to read. Robby and Jack look at each other.

ROBBY

(Smiling)

Well, we did it!

He and Jack high-five, then he turns to the others, none of whom have really noticed this coup.

ROBBY

(Loudly)

Well, everyone, the long wait is over. Jack and I are going to find us a good teacher so we can actually learn something!

CASSANDRA

(after a beat, staring at them uncertainly)

What did you say?

JACK

(Extra-loudly, right at her)

He said that we’re going to actually learn something now!

CASSANDRA

(Not caring)

Oh. Whatever!

She pulls out a mirror and a brush and starts to fiddle with her hair.

ROBBY

(To Jack)

Well... So who’s gonna teach the class?

JACK

(After a beat)

Aren’t you?

ROBBY

(Shocked)

No! I like math, not education and certainly not students! Why would I want to teach?

JACK

Well, I mean, I thought that since this was your idea...

ROBBY

No, I’m not teaching. Why don’t you do it?

JACK

(Disgusted)

Eww! I’m too young to be an old fart!

ROBBY

(Trying to be calm)

Ok, you know what? We’ll just see if someone else in the class wants to do it.

He walks over to Kenny.

ROBBY

Hey Kenny, wanna teach the class?

KENNY

(Ecstatically, after a beat)

Does that mean that we can learn calculus and the infinity spectrum and trigonometry with imaginary numbers?

Robby and Jack look at each other for a beat.

ROBBY

(Slowly)

Kenny, we’re in algebra two!

KENNY

(Nonchalantly)

Oh!

He resumes muttering to himself and writing feverishly.

ROBBY

Well, let’s give it another shot.

(To Cassandra)

Hey Cassandra, do you wanna teach the class?

CASSANDRA

(After a beat)

What?

JACK

(Loudly)

Do you wanna teach the class?

CASSANDRA

(Another beat)

What?

ROBBY AND JACK

(Shouting)

Do you want to teach the class?

CASSANDRA

Oh... no!

She resumes fiddling with her hair, makeup, and mirror.

ROBBY

(To Jack)

Alright, we have one more option... Victor.

JACK

(Befuddled)

Victor? He hasn’t taken out his headphones once this year!

ROBBY

(Very convincingly)

He may not seem like much, but I bet he’s one of those people who are completely brilliant, but never ever try, so nobody ever knows it.

JACK

(Unconvinced)

Yeah... right.

ROBBY

(To Victor)

Hey Victor, you wanna teach the class?

VICTOR

(Slowly, pulling out his headphones)

Man, did you just ask me to teach the class?

ROBBY

Umm... yeah.

VICTOR

(Gesturing strangely)

That would involve me actually thinking! It would ruin my mojo, my groove, you dig it?

JACK

(Mockingly)

Yeah... we dig it!

Victor glares at them, then puts back in his headphones and resumes ignoring everything.

JACK

Really, a hidden genius! Now who’s gonna teach us anything?

ROBBY

(Sadly)

Well, I guess it’s time for plan Z.

JACK

(Gasping)

No, not plan Z!

Robby nods and they both step back, revealing Richardson sitting in his chair, reading.

ROBBY

(Innocently)

Oh Mr. R!

The curtain closes.