Spiderman Attorney at Law

Spiderman: Attorney at Law

[Scene opens with a single man in shirt and spiderman tie (can be provided by author) on stage facing the audience. He begins to speak nervously, in an unenthusiastic tone]

Spiderman: Hello [waves], I’m Ron Spiderman [pronounces this Speedermen]. Have you been injured in a lawyer’s office lately? [walks over to a woman sitting across from the man, signing something with a pen] Carpal tunnel from Another affidavit? [Woman drops pen and winces, Spiderman looks disappointed, then walks over to two men shaking hands]. Corneal distress from piercing eye contact? [Spiderman shakes head and turns back to same man and woman sitting down. Now they are both laughing]. Muscle disorders due to forced, disingenuous laughter? [Turns back to the audience and begins walking toward the edge of the stage]. They All owe you money. Here at Speedermen Law, we specialize in law office law. [Points to audience]. Catch us on “The web” at spidermanlaw.com [emphasizing “the web” and still pronouncing Spiderman Speedermen. He begins to walk off the stage, and passes another man, who stops him].

Man: Wow Spiderman, it’s great you went back to school and got your JD!

Spiderman: [smiles] Thanks, Man. It’s Speedermen now though.

Man: Oh, ok! [Says enthusiastically. Spiderman continues walking until he stops and faces a woman].

Woman: Wow, Spiderman, here at Chick-Fil-A! Never thought I’d see the day.

Spiderman: [Gives a half-hearted smile] Yeah. It’s Speederman now. [He continues to walk, slower and more sullenly, sits down in chair right next to another man].

2^nd man: [Does a double take when he sees who is sitting next to him] Spiderman? On the subway? Wassup, homie!

Spiderman: [Hangs head and gives no emotional response]. It’s Speedermen. [Says almost inaudibly. Gets up and walks slowly and with his head down off the stage. He softly hums the “Theme to Spiderman.”]