[Two people walk onto the stage. One (man on phone) walks a few feet past the other (friend), and begins to mime dialing a pay phone and putting the receiver to his ear. It rings and a third person (God) another comes on stage and mimes picking up the other end.]
God: [says in a “too cool” tone] Yo, what up, its God. I’m a little busy right now; can I just text you back?
Man on Phone: Uh…Well, actually I’m using a payphone. [God is visibly peeved by this statement].
God: A payphone? Who are you, Carrot Top? We got ourselves 5G up in this bitch. I don’t know what your problem is. [God angrily hangs up and exits stage. New player (OB/GYN) enters stage and stands, apart from man on phone and friend. The man on the phone hangs up as well and turns to his friend.]
Friend: [inquisitively] So…Did it go well?
Man on phone: [in a mildly irritated but flat tone] Actually no. He seemed a little pissed that I don’t have a cell phone.
Friend: [surprised] Oh. Well, maybe you should get, like, born again. (Friend exits)
Man on phone: [Nods head, thinking] Yeah… [walks up to OB/GYN, then says unenthusiastically]: So I just walk over to this bible (gestures towards imaginary bible on table next to OB/GYN) and kinda start, uh, crying or something?
Born Again OB/GYN: [Cheerfully] Well, I’m your OB/GYN, so I’ll walk you through it. Don’t worry! [The man on the phone starts walking toward the bible, but before he gets there, the OB/GYN interrupts him]: Ooh! I See the head! [The man hesitates and looks over at the OB/GYN, confused].
Man on Phone: [Perplexed] uh, is that uh what?
Born Again OB/GYN: [Clearly not listening to the man] Ooh! He’s gonna be a screamer! [The man walks over and picks up the bible indifferently, raising his arms in half-hearted celebration. The OB/GYN asks with glee]: So…How does it feel to be born again?
Man on Phone:(Shrugging his shoulders and looking around) Feels pretty good, to tell you the truth. [Just as he finishes this, a man suddenly comes up from behind and slits his throat. He falls to the floor and both the murderer and OB/GYN exit, as new characters, woman and St. Peter, enter. The Man on the Phone gets up, looking around in wonderment as he is now in heaven, and stands in line behind the woman facing St. Peter, who is sitting down.]
Woman: [smugly] You know, St. Peter, I really hope that all that white light I saw coming up here was charged by eco-friendly bulbs or solar power or something. I mean, you guys should really be more responsible.
St. Peter: [Nodding and smirking] Well, sometimes my job is just a little too easy, isn’t it? [Comedically kicks the woman off the stage, with woman emitting farcical scream as she falls, then says sternly]: Next! [He looks up and says with fake intimidation and mockingly]: Ooh, it’s the pay phone guy. What, are you, like, Tony Soprano? Afraid someone’s gonna tap the line? Jesus, just get in here. [brusquely ushers the man on the phone into heaven].
No comments:
Post a Comment