Angry Pigs

“Angry pigs”

(setting: there is a built cardboard box with “pigs” inside and a person throwing “birds” at them. Yes, this is an angry birds scene.)

Pigs all sigh. There are three pigs. They are represented by the numbers 1, 2, and 3.

There is a human (person) sling shooting all of these birds at the pigs

Action

Pigs: Why me?

Angry red bird gets thrown at them

1: OW!

2: what?

1: that bird! It knocked out one of my teeth

3: Oh, quit it, it was only a red one. Just wait until we get those crazy mothers aborting their eggs onto us and the even crazier suicide black birds.

2: AND you’re wearing a helmet!

1: grumbling: It still hurt…

Blue bird is thrown, but only hits pigs two and three

2: Now THAT hurt.

3: You can say that again.

1, mockingly: Oh, come on guys, quit crying.

they glare at pig 1

1: What?! Those were blue birds, and they’re smaller than the red ones.

2: Why does this even happen to us?

3: Remember? Our stupid king wanted to give his nephew a castle for his birthday, but he was much too selfish to give up any of his land, so he gave him those three eggs.

1: Then he realized they were someone’s children, and he sent out his army, US, to fight off the birds, and…

2: And the rest is history, I know, I know, but we have to take a second and think, why?

Blue Bird hits all three

1 + 3: Why what?

2: EVERYTHING. For instance, why do we have to use flash bombs and retreat when we are hit?

3: Standard procedure. You remember training, don’t you?

2: Yeah, but wouldn’t it be cheaper to just give us legitimate shields instead?

1: You have a point, but why stop at shields? Why not even our own slingshots to shoot all of these pebbles around us?

3: That’s another thing. Why can’t we actually attack these dumb birds and their ridiculous methods?

1: If eggs are so precious to them, then why do they put their pregnant mothers into an interspecies war, using their aborted eggs as explosive weapons?

ALL: And why to the birds practice kamikaze?

2: That’s just stupidity on their commander’s fault.

1: Our dumb king isn’t much better.

3: Look at the next bird. A yellow one aiming straight for me. I’ll get hit on purpose, and sneak over enemy lines and steal their slingshot when they are preparing for the next shot.

Other pigs nod their heads in agreement

Yellow bird comes flying at them, successfully hitting bird 3. There is a flash bomb, and when it clear up, the pig is back with the slingshot. Yellow bird has not retreated yet

3: Got it!

Yellow bird: Hey, that’s breaking the rules!

2: All’s fair in love and war.

1: Get the pebbles to shoot over.

Yellow: Just wait until my comrades hear about this!

3: Oh, they will hear about it all right.

Pigs straggle the yellow bird into the slingshot, and set him up

1: bombs away!

Yellow bird gets thrown over into enemy lines, and painful sounds are heard. In addition, the pigs get up and they loosen up a little bit.

2: Now THAT’S a three star skirmish.

SCENE