Based on a True Story
Scene: Two people. One is a modern day student with a notebook. The other is a Colonial
Student: Excuse me; I was wondering if you could-
Actor: Ah, good morning to you young sir! Tips his hat and bows
Student: Uh, yeah, hi. I was wondering if you could answer a few questions for me. You know, I’ve got this paper to do for school so I just thought-
Actor: interrupting I see, to educate the minds of His Majesties youth. I will gladly be of service.
Student: Um, that’s great. Anyway, I guess I was just wondering about the American Revolution, and how you feel about that.
Actor: The American Revolution? I must admit I have not heart of such a conflict.
Student: Pause …seriously, you’re going to be like that?
Actor: I assure you I know nothing of your meaning.
Student (to himself: okay, how can I put this)? Alright Pausing constantly, as if he is thinking about each word well…if… hypothetically… there were to be… a war… between the United States-
Actor: The what?
Student: I mean… the, uh… the
Actor: This is treasonous talk, to suggest a war between the King’s colonies and the empire!
Student: Okay, fine. Um, but what if the British did things like…tax you…and you did not like it…How would that make you feel?
Actor: Such a conflict would never erupt, I can assure you.
Student: Yeah, but it does, and you know that, so if you could just answer the question-
Actor: I cannot answer such a question!
Student noticeably frustrated: Okay… Looking through his notebook for another question Could, um, religious differences have helped cause a revolution?
Actor: Oh! I realize what you are referring to!
Student: Thank God!
Actor boldly: The Glorious Protestant Revolution of 1688 was a conflict between the-
Student: (Interrupting) No!!! The American Revolution! The actor looks perplexed *Sigh* Look. I have to write this five page paper about the American Revolution, and really, everything I write depends on how you answer the question. So I really need you to just please stop pretending and answer the question.
Actor: You speak in riddles, and you keep mentioning this “American Revolution”. I don’t understand.
Student beginning to lose it: Look, you have to answer the question. The paper I have to write? It’s due tomorrow, and I have not started yet, because I can’t start without the answers to these questions. If you don’t answer the question, I will fail. Do you want that to happen? Do you want that on your conscience? Do you?
Actor: I am afraid I can be of no help to you without further information about this “American Revolution”
Student really angry: All right, let’s just cut the crap, Okay? I know that you know that I know that you know the answers to the question, so just answer it! You know what, I know what you are doing. You are just screwing with me aren’t you? You are saying to yourself, “look at that stupid kid, I think I will mess with his mind and not answer the question. Won’t that be fun!” Well, it’s not fun for me Okay! I thought people from this era were supposed to be nice. You were supposed to care about people, and that’s why you started the American Revolution! Oh wait that’s right, I can’t say that because it hasn’t happened yet! Well guess what, it has happened! So please just get out of your little fantasy world and answer the question or I swear I’m going too… desperately trying to plead with the actor. Look, I’m sorry Okay? I really am. It’s this paper, I just know I’m going to fail it. I’m really sorry, I think you a very cool guy. But, please, from the bottom of my heart, just answer to question. What do you think about the American Revolution?
Actor: pause for dramatic effect. Are you ill? Perhaps you suffer from delusions, believe things happened that never did-
Student: On the verge of crying, but trying to be calm Okay, Okay fine. I’ll go. But I want you to know, when you go home tonight, that you caused me to fail my history paper. I hope you can live with that. I hope you can still feel good about yourself…can’t hold it back any longer Oh God, what am I going to do! Runs off stage
There is a long pause. The actor is staring out to space, and looks like he feels bad about it.
Actor: smiling and chuckling to himself, while looking at the audience I love my job.
THE END
I had a similar experience in Plymouth Plantation. I loved it all the way through -- except for the ending (not sure if it works).
ReplyDelete