Stage Combat Class

STAGE COMBAT CLASS (needed-9 actors)




several students are warming up on the floor



Teacher: Welcome class! How are we feeling today!?



Class mumbles a serious of responses delving into their personal lives



Teacher: Awesome! Well here we go! Let's review what we learned yesterday in Stage Combat! Hope you're excited!



silence

Teacher: Awesome! We'll first begin with the stage slap. Actor 1's name and Actor 2's Name Why don't you begin!?

Actor 1 and 2: okay.

Actor 1: nervously Assured Distance, Eye contact, Preparation, Firm Stance, Signal, Wind Up, Fire! The actor stage-punches the other actor across the face. Silence.

Teacher: a pause. Actor 2's name, you forgot to make the nap.

actor 2 rolls their eyes

Actor 1: Okay one more time one more time we can DO this! the actor rolls his neck a few times, jumps up and down, while actor 2 sends a text. Okay! Assured Distance, Eye contact, Preparation, Firm Stance, Signal, Wind Up, Fire!



a few painful seconds after the punch, actor 2 claps his hand to give the nap

Teacher: Not, horrible, but actor 2's name you have to hide the nap so the audience doesn't see it! So it doesn't seem fake! You understand.

actor 2 rolls their eyes

Teacher: Well nice effort. the actors back off center stage. Okay next group?

Actor 3 and 3 take to the stage. Actor 3 thinks for a moment, winds up…



Actor 4: Too close.

Actor 3: pauses, backs up, and repeats….



Actor 4: Too close.

Actor 3: pauses, backs up a considerable amount, close to 6 feet.



Actor 4: … nice.

Actor 3 winds up, then suddenly runs forward to slap actor 4.



Actor 3: too close Too Close TOO CLOSE TOO CLOSE!



Actor 4 runs off being chased by actor 3 screaming



Teacher: silence Awesome! Actor 6's name, care to follow?



Actor 6: Yea!

Actor 5: Yea!



Teacher: Yea! Okay yea just, go.

Actor 5 prepares the slap, and accidentally, actually hits the other actor.



Actor 6: holding cheek and frantically pacing HOLD. HOLD. HOLD. HOLD. HOLD. HOLD. HOLD. HOLD.

Actor 5: let me get some ice… exits



Actor 6: almost in tears. I cannot WORK under these conditions. Where is my agent!? exits

Teacher: trying to shrug it off. trying. Alright… the final group



Actor 7: Sure! let me just get into character. to Actor 8 Now remember, you're a wild, rambunctious city criminal who enjoys night life and is escaping from a burning abandoned sombrero factory, conflicted by your decision if you should escape the scene of the crime, or stay behind to distract the police from blowing your gang's cover, knowing that your sister is pregnant with your best friends' baby… irony… and her birth certificate was recently eaten by their fourth cat.

Actor 8:… Yep.

Actor 7: Okay! breathing heavily, deep in character, a low voice, 'You'll never get away with it. I know where you live. And, plot twist! your sister is actually an alien robot! Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!' the actor winds up the slap in slow motion. As he goes for it, he trips, still in slow motion, and misses the actors cheek, falling to the ground while screaming Nooooooooooo!!!! he is rolling on the floor like a dog. The lava! its too intense! It's too intense!

Actor 8: raises hand, called on. Uh yea can I get a refund?



Teacher: Turns to the audience, devastated. Class dismissed.