Funeral Disaster

(husband lying down on couch pretending to be dead; wife yells)

Wife: What, are you doing on the couch?! There is work to be done, GET UP!!! I didn’t marry you for nothing!! If you don’t get up I’m going to kill you?! That’s it, I’m getting the knife.

(wife go gets knife and runs to stab husband, but stops as she almost stabs him to listen)

Wife: Uh… you’re not snoring… is this the sign of the apocalypse?

(looks confused, puts knife down, checks heartbeat, becomes shocked)

Wife: Are… are you dead??

(breaks down crying)

Wife: NOOOOOO!!! (dramatic)

(after several seconds gets up)

Wife: Well, time to prepare for the funeral.

(wife goes outside, Joe Joe walks across stage, wife sees Joe Joe and starts to beg)

Wife: Please give sympathy; I need money. My husband just died…

Joe Joe: Get away, you beggar!!

Wife: WHAT?!?! YOU’RE NOT GIVING MONEY TO SUCH A NICE WOMAN?!!?! YOU’RE CRAZY!!!!!!! NO ONE LIKES YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!

(wife continues to insult Joe Joe, Joe Joe walks away disgusted)

Wife: Hmph, that was stupid…

(wife goes back to house, wife thinks)

Wife: Well, I have an idea!

(wife dresses as a little girl, and starts to speak like one too)

(wife goes outside, Joe Joe walks across stage, wife sees Joe Joe and starts to beg)

Wife: Please, my father just died, and now I’m all alone. Will you help me (puppy face)

Joe Joe: Awww, it’s okay. I’ll give you anything you need.

Wife: Well, can you help me hold a funeral? Please?

Joe Joe: Anything for you. Your such a nice and lonely little girl. (looks sad for wife) My name is Joe Joe.

(change scene to a funeral scene; a lot of people including Joe Joe in a group, husband in coffin, wife somewhere in-between)

Joe Joe: We have gathered here today to mourn this nice, poor girl’s dead father.

(everyone but husband starts crying really hard)

(husband gets up from coffin confused)

Husband: Where am I??? Why are people crying?? What the heck is happening?!

(a lot of people look at Joe Joe)

A lot of people: What? No one is dead? We’re going to get you for tricking us, Joe Joe!!!!!

(Joe Joe looks at wife)

Joe Joe: You nasty little girl.

(Joe Joe makes wife look not like a child)

Joe Joe: Hey! You’re that one stupid beggar that was insulting me!!!! I’m going to get you!!!

(Joe Joe really really mad)

(wife looks at husband)

Wife: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD, YOU BASTARD!! I’M REALLY GOING TO KILL YOU NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

(husband looks confused)

Husband: What’s happening??

(wife has knife and chases husband, Joe Joe chases wife, a lot of people chase Joe Joe)
CURTAIN