To Catch a Litterer

A TV host steps into the middle of the stage, where there are two chairs.

Chris Hansen: Hi. I’m Chris Hansen. You might recognize me from the Dateline NBC special “To Catch a Predator.” Well, the predators have caught on by now, and we can’t seem to catch anyone these days, so we’ve moved on to the next best thing: Littering. Truly an example of careless, unlawful American behavior, and tonight, we have it all on tape for you to see for your self. This is, To Catch a Litter (pause to think for a second on pronunciation)-er. We have arrived at the home of Jack Harrison, who we caught yesterday throwing his burger wrapper onto the ground of the park. We have used the help of my special team, Perverted Environmental Justice to illegally track down Harrison, who we have found to call himself HSM3lover674 on hotmail.com. Right now, we are in his house. Here he comes now.

Jack walks in and is startled by Chris’s presence.

Jack: Uh dude, what are you doing in my house?

Chris: Hello Jack. I’m Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC’s To Catch a Litterer. We hope you don’t mind we tracked you down to your current living location.

Jack: You broke into my house?

Chris: Beside the point, Jack. Now please take a seat.

Jack: Uh, ok.

Chris: Perfect. Now Jack, or should I say HSMlover674—

Jack: You’ve been reading my emails too?

Chris: I ask the questions here Jack. Oh, and by the way. High School Musical 3 was horrible. Now, does this (holds up burger wrapper) seem familiar?

Jack: Uh, no.

Chris: No? Really, well my sources tell me something different. They say they caught you littering in the park yesterday throwing down this exact hamburger wrapper. We even took a sample of your DNA and matched it to this wrapper. What do you say to that?

Jack: Dude, isn’t that illegal?

Chris: So you admit you were there?

Jack: No, but—

Chris: You just won’t give up will you Jack? The evidence is against you. We even read your diary.

Chris holds up diary or sheet with diary words.

Chris: “I went to the HSM fan club today. It was the best day of my life. Zac Efron looked awesome. He is my idol but he makes me self-conscious. Why is his abs so rock solid? I got hungry for food and stopped at McDonalds for a burger and went for a walk in the park, jamming to “Breaking Free” on my ipod.

Chris puts down the diary.

Chris: Well, I’d just admit it if I were you. Oh, here’s a good section on the dream you had with Vanessa Hudgens—

Jack: Fine! I littered! Now stop stalking me and breaking into my house!

Chris: That’s all we need. Take him down boys!

A squad enters the stage and tackles Jack to the ground.

Chris: Littering is a federal offense, Jack.

Jack: No its not—

Chris: Thanks for watching us. Stay tuned next week for another, To Catch a Litter-er. Good nite.