Admit One

Props: a podium, popcorn, tickets, movie theatre uniform/hat

Characters: a ticket taker, patrons, manager.


The ticket taker is at his ticket-taking (?) podium when a couple walks up to him and hand him their tickets and he looks at the tickets.

Ticket Taker: Admit one? Hmmmmm… FINE!

(he whispers loudly one confession to each patron)

* I eat gum from under benches, It gives it a little bit more flavor
* I got a perfect score of 36 on my IQ test



The patrons start walking away disgusted

Patron 1: You’re sick!

Patron 2: yea man get a life!

Ticket taker: Last one on your left, Enjoy the show!

More people start lining up, and the ticket taker makes a frustrated noise for all of the confessions that he has to make, he starts moving down the line to each one of them

Ticket taker: -I like to see gay films, and I’m not gay

* I wet the bed until I was in high school
* I took my mother to prom
* My last job at an electronics store fired me because I tasted a couple computer chips, Who knew that not all chips are edible?



Come back soon!

There starts to be uproar among the unhappy patrons and the manager comes out

Manager: what seems to be the problem here?

Patron 3: Well, this employee of yours is making crude confessions to us, and we don’t want to hear it!

Manager: (looking at the ticket taker) Is that so?

Tickettaker: isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?

Manager: What?

Ticket taker: I admit one thing every time someone gives me a ticket?

Everyone groans

Manager: You know son, I guess I’m going to have to dock your pay for this.

Ticket Taker: What? But you can’t do that.

Manager: I’m afraid I can

Ticket Taker: Actually you can’t, (manager looks confused),
Because I don’t work here!

Everyone looks confused now

So long suckers!

The ticket taker throws the tickets and takes off his uniform (a shirt or hat or something) and everyone looks like they’ve just been punk’d.


Manager: WHAT THE F-

(lights go out mid-word)

The End