Sickie and Shopper

Two people on the phone with each other, one is very sick. Shopper left stage looking at an imaginary shelf, sick person stage right, flopped in a chair. Congested, coughing, hard to understand.

Sickie: Hi honey, are you at the store yet? (Aye on-ie, are youuu at the toure yet?)

Shopper: Yes, What did you need again? I’m standing in the medicine aisle

Sickie: I need a decongestant, and cough drops. (Aye neeeeed a de-con-jest-dint, and gouf drops)

Shopper: Umm, you need a delicatessen and a golf drugs?

Sickie: NO! I need a decongestant, and cough drops. (NOOO! Aye neeeeed a de-con-jest-dint, and gouf drops) *COUGH COUGH COUGH*

Shopper: You need a dead contestant? OH, and cough drops…? *pulling things off shelf*

Sickie: NO! Your being stupid, I need a decongestant, and yes, cough drops (NOOO! Jour been’ tupid, Aye neeeeed a de-con-jest-dint, and jes gouf drops) *Sneeze, blow nose into phone*

Shopper: I have no idea what you’re saying, for all I know it could be dead intestine. Let’s just start with the cough drops.

Sickie: I want the fruit breezers, the blue berry kind. (Aye went de brute teasers, de brew very gind)

Shopper: Umm, I guess I can find the brew cherry kind, what else did you want?

Sickie: Decongestant, the drip freezers (De-con-jest-dint, the dwip teaser)

Shopper: YOU WHAT -- A STRIP TEASER!?!

Sickie: NO! You know what, let me just text you (NO! joo dough what, wet me just dext joo)

Scene