You

It’s a small coffee shop and it is quiet for it is empty except for a woman. The characters only say what they are thinking. The woman is bored and tired of the work she must get done. She looks at the audience.

Woman: (Sigh) Me.

The woman repeats only “Me” as she looks at the pieces of work she has in front of her, but not at a constant rate, at a random rate. Then, a man enters the coffee shop, saying “Me” as he carries his work as well. As he enters, the woman and man look at each other at the same time and say the same thing at the same time as well.

Man: Her.

Woman: Him.

The woman blushes and quickly looks down. The man quickly looks elsewhere as well and whistles as he glances in random directions. He then realizes he is standing around like an idiot so he sits in the table to the right of the woman’s table and sits down where his back is facing her back. The man and woman act nervous, figeting constantly. As the man takes a spoon and studies his reflection, the woman pulls out a compact mirror and studies her reflection. They both frown at what they see.

Woman: My hair!

Man: My hair!

Woman: My zit!

As the woman attempts to pop the zit on her forehead, the man looks down at his pants.

Man: My fly!

Woman: No makeup!

Man looks back at woman but quickly turns back.

Man: No ring.

Woman does the exact same thing.

Woman: No ring.

Man and woman smell their breath.

Man: Eggs.

Woman: Onion bagel!

Man smells pit.

Man: Dog

Man smells again.

Man: Wet dog.

The woman observes her clothing as the man wipes his pits with napkins.

Woman: 60 year old grandma.

She looks again.

Woman: 70.

The man and woman stop figeting and realize that the other person probable doesn’t even no they exist. They stand up to leave at the same time but don’t realize it because they are still back to back.

Man: Dumb.

Woman: Stupid.

They turn to find themselves face to face.

Man: Her eyes.

Woman: His hair.

Man: Her smile.

They pause.

Man/Woman: You.