The Objection

Cast:

Auctioneer

Man 1- The objector

Man 2

Man 3

Man 4

Pig Man- just a guy wearing a pig nose and “standing” on all 4s.

Prop List:

Box or chair for auctioneer to stand on

Pig nose

Note: pig man is at liberty to make random snorting noises throughout


Auctioneer : Starting 50 dollars for this enormous pig here. Biggest pig I’ve ever seen sir, wouldn’t lie to you sir, have a look!


Man 2: Why a fine hog indeed and at fifty a steal!


Auctioneer : I have 50 dollars anybody 100 dollars lovely juicy pig here it’ll bring you pride at the state fair! Only 100 dollar bill!


Man 3: ONE HUNDRED


Auctioneer : I have 100 dollars anybody 200 dollars only 200 dollar pig!


Man 2: 200 dollars


Man 3 : 300!


Auctioneer: only 300 dollar pig here, I’ve never seen one any-where near as large as this one is! I have 300 anybody 400 dollars? 400 400 anybody 400---


Man 1: Now hold on a second! This is no pig!


Man 3: *cough in disbelief* What do you mean by this?


Man 1: I mean THIS is not a pig, BUT A MAN!


Man 4: No it isn’t. Look at its nose, finest nose I’ve ever seen. 500 dollars.


Auctioneer: I have 500 dollars anybody---


Man 1: Would you shut up a minute? This is just a man wearing a pig nose!


Man 3: You just don’t want us to buy it so you might get a better deal! 600 dollars for the hog!


Auctioneer: 600 dollars only 700 anybody? Lovely pig here, fattest anywhere near only 700 dollar bill!


Man 1 : this is ridiculous!


Man 4: Ill have this pig, 1000 dollars.


Auctioneer: Sold 1000 dollars!!!


Man 4 .


Curtain.


Aplause.