"Yes," She, She and She Said.

Actors: 9 (Server1, 2, 3, Man1, 2, 3, Woman1, 2, 3)

Scenario: Three dinner dates are happening simultaneously. There are three tables spread equally apart in a line across the stage. At the start, three men, who are each sitting on the stage-right side of their respective table, are waiting for their dates to arrive. Each man has a different purpose for being on this “date”. Man1 wants to propose, Man2 wants his girlfriend to move in with him, and Man3 wants to break up (not so much a date, but still a dinner). The “catch” of the play is that for the most part, the servers have the same dialogue. So, the servers will say their lines at the same time. However, even though they have the same lines, they are still responding to their respective customer(s), which is to say that they will each mean different things. The same concept applies to the women.

At the start, the three men are waiting for their dates when the servers arrive at their respective tables at the same time.

S1,2,3: Hi there! My name is (servers quickly cycle through their names before continuing to speak in unison) –

S1: Will,

S2: Taylor,

S3: Dan,

S1,2,3: and I will be your server this evening. Would Sir care for something to drink?

M1: A bottle of your finest wine, please.

M2: I’d like an iced tea, please, and a lemonade for my date.

M3: Just a couple of waters. I don’t know I’ll be here that long.

S1,2,3: Very good, Sir. (The servers leave simultaneously, and several moments later, the men’s dates arrive simultaneously, just as the servers did previously)

W1,2,3: Hey, babe! (They simultaneously kiss their dates, simultaneously sit, and finally simultaneously cross their right leg over their left)

M1 (affectionately): Hey, you! How was your tennis match?

M2: Hi, honey. I’ve had a crummy day; I just have to tell you about it. Oh, by the way, I ordered you lemonade.

M3: Hello, Jackie. We need to talk.

W1,2,3: Okay.

M1: Did you and Janie beat the Berkley sisters?

M2: Well, it all started this morning when I turned on the radio on my way to work. I was listening to the 103.5 interview with Madonna. Did you catch it?

M3: I’ve been thinking…and I was wondering…well…(quickly searches for another thought other than “we’re through”) did you manage to return the sweater I got for you?

W1,2,3: Unfortunately, no.

M1: Aw, that’s too bad! Sorry I missed it. I’ll be there to support you next time!

M2: It wasn’t that great anyway; you didn’t miss anything.

M3: Well I’m sorry you found it unattractive. I’ll take you with me next time.

W1,2,3: Glad to hear it.

M1: So what was the score?

M2: Anyway, I noticed I needed gas. But right after I did, I realized I had just passed the cheapest station in town, and I wasn’t going to turn around in traffic, so I filled up at the next station I could find for ten cents more with your gift card, sorry.

M3: So…um…we haven’t really talked for a few days…Whatcha been up to?

W1,2,3: Oh, it doesn’t matter.

M1: Oh, that bad, huh? Dang! Those sisters really know how to bring it!

M2: I was really upset that I did that. I just couldn’t believe it.

M3: You didn’t answer any of my phone calls. Sorry, I know I can be a bit clingy at times.

W1,2(sarcastically, rolling eyes),3(sarcastically, rolling eyes): I know, sometimes it’s really hard to believe.

M1: So, you want to hear about my job interview?

M2: Anyway, remember how I said I would text you when I got to work to see if I left your nice pen there?

M3 (after a slight awkward silence): I brought you that “present” I told you about on a message I left you. Did you get it?

W1,2,3 (all enthusiastically): Yes, I’ve been waiting all day!

M1: Well, actually, before I tell you about how I got my superb, high-paying job, I just have to ask you something. (Woman1’s eyes widen with joy for M1)

M2: Well it wasn’t there, and I was going to text you when I realized that I’d left my phone at home. I know I kept you waiting…forgive me?

M3: Ok well here it is, so brace yourself.

W1,2(jokingly serious even though she doesn’t consider it a big deal),3: Alright. (M2 and W2 laugh at this)

M1 (he gets down on one knee and reveals a ring box): Jennifer, will you marry me? (At this point Server1 returns and W1 is overcome with joy)

M2: Well that made me feel bad, and I got to thinking. If we moved in with each other, things like this wouldn’t happen because we could remind each other not to forget things like that. So, do you want to move in with me? (At this point Server2 returns)

M3 (forcefully): Jackie, we’re through! (At this point Server3 returns)

W1(awestricken),2(unenthusiastically),3(upset): Why(!)(?)

S1,2,3: Oh, pardon me. Is this a bad time?

W1,2,3: Yes!

S1,2,3: My deepest apologies. (The servers exit simultaneously)

M1,2,3: Well, do you have anything to say?

W1,2,3: Yes –

(The next three lines are simultaneously said by the women)

W1: Yes, of course I’ll marry you!

W2: No, I’m not ready to move in with you.

W3: What the hell is wrong with you!? (storms out).

(There is a few-second pause)

M1,2,3: Well, I’m glad that’s over with!