The Fruit of Knowledge

Kid 1: So we’ve got Adam and Eve.

Kid 2: Uh-huh.

Kid 1: And their chilling in the garden of Eden.

Kid 2: right.

Kid 1: (makes snake motions with his hands) So the snake comes up to innocent Eve and is like – “Hey! Produce of knowledge! If you eat this apple you can know what G-d knows!”

Kid 2: Right.

Kid 1: Except it’s a crappy deal because all they find out is

One. That they get to die!

Two. That they are different genders and want each other in an upsettingly incestuous way

Kid 2: Yeah. Pretty much. Except you know, it couldn’t be an apple.

Speaker 1: What do you mean?

Speaker 2: Well. This story is from the bible, right? We’re talking about Ancient Mesopotamia or at least around there. They didn’t have apple trees. The original myth probably had a fig.

Speaker 1: A fig.

Speaker 2: What?

Speaker 1: The fruit of knowledge is a fig?

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 1: Like fig Newtons?

Speaker 2: Yeah?

Speaker 1: Eve sacrificed paradise for a fig? Not even an apple which is at least mildly ascetically pleasing. You know shiny and round and crimson or yellow, sort of sexy as fruit goes- but a fig- this weird

Speaker 2: Yup.

Speaker 1: Well that sucks.