The Little Engine That Could: The True Story

Dramatis Personae:

Grandfather (or Grandmother)

Granddaughter (or Grandson)

The Little Engine that Could

Four Boxcars

The Caboose

Setting: 1950’s Suburbia

Grandfather is reading a bedtime story to his granddaughter on stage left.

Granddaughter: Grandpa, will you read me a story?

Grandfather: Why, of course, my little pumpkin. (Open a book) Once upon a time there was an engine. He wasn’t as big or as powerful as the other engines but he had a big heart.

[The Little Engine appears on stage right. He pantomimes sadness as he is described as weak and puny but he becomes proud when he is described as “having a big heart.”]

Yet, because of his physical limitations he was unable to transport any goods across the national interstate commercial railroad nexus.

Granddaughter: What is the national interstate commercial railroad plexus?

Grandfather: Why it’s just the envy of the world, the largest, most intricate, most modern transportation system known to man.

Granddaughter: I know that. But why is it important?

Grandpa: You see, little pumpkin, it is necessary to transport all of these things that make this country great. The train transports grain from Kansas to make your bread [a boxcar appears stage right]. It brings us oil from Texas to fuel our outrageously oversized automobiles [Another boxcar]. It brings orphans from Boy’s Town so every house can have a baby boom [Another one]. It even delivers intercontintental ballistic missiles armed with thermonuclear warheads to missile silos in undisclosed locations in Montana to kick Commie keister during the next global conflict [Another car.]

Granddaughter: Oh, I see. [She thinks a moment] What’s a keister?

Grandfather: Oh nothing dear – just something to sit on. Anyway, one day all the other locomotives called in sick on account of an illegal union strike inspired by pinko sympathesizers. So the management needed some scabs and the Little Engine needed a job.

Granddaughter: What’s a scab?

Grandfather: Why, that just something that covers a booboo. Anyway, the management was a little concerned that with all those boxcars the Little Engine could get over the mountain. But when they asked him he said:

Little Engine. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

Grandfather: Well, since they were out of options and losing millions of dollars a day, they hired him.

[The grandfather reaches over and shakes hands with the Little Engine. All the cars link with the Little Engine in the following order: Engine, nukes, orphans, gas, wheat].

Granddaughter: What about the caboose? Doesn’t every train need a caboose?

{The caboose skips out joyfully]

Grandfather: That freeloader? All it wants it a free ride. What do we need a caboose for?

[The caboose stamps off dejectedly]

Anyway, he left town with all the cars in tow and for awhile he was making great time. But before long he came to the mountain. At first he was able to climb easily, but soon he started having trouble.

{The Little Engine and boxcars are pantomiming the trip, The Little Engine is now visibly troubling, wiping sweat from his brow}

But he wasn’t worried in the least {The Little Engine looks at the grandfather in disbelief]

He began to recite his creed:

The Little Engine: I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

{The Little Engine smiles but he is making no progress]

Grandfather: It becomes harder and harder, but he still smiles and says:

The Little Engine: I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

[The Little Engine starts to lose traction and slowly slip down the hill. Desperate the Engine cuts off the wheat boxcar which careens to the bottom of a hill and makes a pratfall]

Grandfather: He tries harder and harder and all the time he says:

The Little Engine: I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

{The Little Engine cuts off the oil boxcar which also falls to the bottom. But still he can’t move. He cuts off the orphan boxcar, which falls to the offscreen screaming of orphans}.

Grandfather: Finally somewhere deep inside of the great heart, he gains the confidence to conquer that mountain and he proudly proclaims:

The Little Engine: I know I can, I know Ican, I know I can. [But the Little Engine is still not moving. He looks over at the grandfather and the grandfather shrugs his shoulders. The Little Engine finally cuts off the last boxcar of thermonuclear weapons. As the car falls, the Engine triumphantly ascends the mountain, but the boxcar sets off a devastating explosion that wipes out the town, the grandfather and granddaughter. The Grandfather momentarily stands up to finish the story.}

Grandfather: And the Little Engine made it over the mountain proving once and for all that you can accomplish anything if you try hard enough [The Grandfather collapses}.