Endless Stream of Excuses

Characters: Radio News Reporter.

Reporter: An almost unprecedented amount of excuses poured out of one Hawken Student this morning. It’s the Negative Yes News, this is the 9 o’clock News Report, and I’m Maureen Shields. A perpetually late junior who was late to his first band class yet again this morning was seen issuing a creative, well thought out, and seemingly endless stream of excuses to his teacher. The impossibly long list started with the student claiming his sister had stolen his alarm clock in the middle of the night, meandered through a doctor’s appointment for an acute and unheard of medical condition, and culminated with an intricate description of a weather induced car crash which caused a traffic jam. Research reveals the student is in fact and only child, doctors’ offices generally don’t open until nine, and there have been no documented cases of a car crash being linked to the weather of a sunny day like to day. The teacher should be commended for his patience through the whole ordeal as well as his ability to maintain a straight face. He offered the student his condolences after the 7 and a three quarters minute speech and warned him he would be late for his next band class. The student then smugly made his way through the halls, believing his excuses had worked. Reports show the junior was last seen cursing in the library after receiving notice of the latest update to his attendance record.