The Fart Story

Very immature play, written mostly for laughs, not sure if it will work

Setting anywhere, group of people talking about past flatuance, I imagine very hippy-like…Possible reenactment of story while it’s being told, can replace pronouns with names if necessary

1: Dude, what’s the most awkward place you’ve ever farted before?

2: I don’t know about awkward, but I have some funny stories?

3: Are you seriously talking about farts?

1: Yeah farts are hysterical!

3: True, what’s your story?

2: I was sitting in Spanish one time, and (teacher), the meanest sob there ever was, walks over to the board, and drops his papers. Then bends down to pick them up, first his pants rip right in the middle, and when everyone laughs he turns around and gives us the look of death.

1: The look of Death?

3: Yeah the look of Death, you know when a teacher glares and makes eye contact with every single one of the students to tell them he means business.

2: Yeah so anyways, he turns back to the papers and bends down to pick up the papers. This time with his pants ripped right in the middle, he lets out the loudest fart known to man, and the little tears in his pants are blown off floating in the room.

3: Dude that’s disgusting.

1: But Hilarious!

2: I’m not finished, again the class bursts out in laughter. This time (teacher) combines his look of death with the very annoyed, extremely angry, fantastically powerful, EXCUSE ME? Everyone shuts up, he did pick up the papers though. Now he reaches for the chalk.

3: This doesn’t go on the same way does it?

1: Seriously, this is stupid

2: JUST LISTEN!!! It gets even better.

1+3: OK

2: Now, after he has the chalk, he goes to right on the board. With every single swipe of chalk, not only does the board screech, his butt does too. Now the class doesn’t laugh for fear of being kicked out and losing points, but throughout the entire period every time he moved, you could guarantee he was farting too. At the end of the period something develops on his backside.

3: His backside?

1: You don’t mean…

2: Yeah I mean, after the period was over, not only was there a hole in his pants, but a little brown spot that kept getting bigger throughout the door.

3: What happened?

2: He went through the entire day like that, this guy was so intimidating, no one had the courage to tell him. Got home, saw what had happened, and never returned to school again.

1: What an idiot, makes his living being a hard-ass then it comes back to bite him.