[Censored]

(Woman stands alone facing audience)

Woman:

So I walked into a bar last night and I pass this drunk-(animal noise drowns out obscenity) guy wa--what the (animal noise) was that?!

(Chuckles) Okay, good one. Now back to my story. As I was saying, this guy was really (animal noise) drunk.

(impatiently) Really? Come on enough with the (animal noise).

(perturbed) You know what? Whoever the (animal noise) you are, you must think you’re really (animal noise) hilarious you (animal noise) (animal noise) (animal noise). Really though all you are is an immature (animal noise) (animal noise).

(increasingly angry) COME ON! Now you’re just making me look bad, that wasn’t even profane.

(calming down) Ok. Maybe we can (animal noise) (animal noise).

(irate) No. I won’t have you making me sound like some kind of (animal noise) sex offender.

(meltdown level) Several animal noises between exasperated outbursts of frustration.

Man (from offstage): Hey! Watch your language!

Woman: Oh this can not be (animal noise) real.

Man: That’s it! Out!

(enters scene, escorts woman offstage)

Woman: Oh this is fucking bullshit!

(Confused)

END