The Kiosk

* 3 characters
o The kiosk runner
+ This male character is trying to sell a customer a cell phone and does not take no for an answer. He should have a mediocre to good mid-eastern accent and also with a good “surfer-due/hippy” accent. At first he should be wearing a patterned polo (doesn’t matter what pattern), have black hair, and be short in stature. He also needs a blond wig.
o The customer
+ This could either be a man or woman. This customer is a middle classed American citizen who is not in the mall to buy a new cell phone. He tries to tell the kiosk runner “no” and starts to get frustrated. His temper is very small.
o Police officer
+ This is some sort of mall cop with a common uniform. He enters the scene when things get out of hand but sees nothing wrong after the “scene change.”
o Other customer
+ Very small roll. Could be anyone. Doesn’t come on until the end and has no lines.
* Setting
o Mall
* Plot
o A Kiosk runner tries to sell a customer a cell phone and doesn’t take no for an answer. Soon things get out of hand and the customer calls for security. As he talks to the cop, the kiosk runner quickly changes his kiosk from a cell phone store to a t-shirt store (specifically tie-dye) and fools the cop making the customer confused and furious.

(The scene starts with the kiosk runner searching for a customer. He soon finds one)

Kiosk runner: Sir! Sir! Can I interest you in buying cell pone?

Customer: No thank you.

Kiosk Runner: But you have not looked at it yet.

Customer: I don’t need to really.

(He tries to walk away but the kiosk runner stands in his way)

Kiosk Runner: Look! It has unlimit texting and free calling to 5 of your favorite friends. And look! It also has games. See! Pac-lan! Such a fun game. What will you Americans think of next (laughs sarcastically).

Customer: It’s Pac-man

Kiosk Runner: Dat is what I said.

Customer: Yes…well I really don’t need another cell phone. I already have one. (He shows off a blackberry)

Kiosk Runner: Oooh a blueberry!

Customer: Blackberry.

Kiosk Runner: Dat it what I said. Well…dis one betta!

(He points to his cell phone he’s trying to sell)

Customer: Excuse me?

Kiosk Runner: Yah! See! This one actually works and dis one

(He hits the customer’s blackberry out of his hand and it breaks on the floor)

Kiosk Runner: is just scrap metal

Customer: What the hell did you just do?!

Kiosk Runner: Excuse me?

Customer: You just broke my blackberry!

(Awkward pause)

Kiosk Runner: No I didn’t.

Customer: WHAT?! Yes you did! You knocked it out of my hand!!

Kiosk Runner: prove it.

Customer: Prove it?! PROVE IT?!

Kiosk Runner: Yes dat is what I said.

Customer: You better give me a good reason why you did that or so help me god I’ll…

(Mall Cop enter in customers sight. The customer calls for his attention)

Customer: Excuse me!

(As soon as the kiosk runner is out of the customers eye sight, he quickly changes the kiosk into a tie-dye shirt store. He puts on a tie-dye shirt, a blond wig, and sunglasses. The cop is completely oblivious to the change)

Customer: I was minding my own business when this man comes up to me trying to sell a cell phone. I tell him that I already have a cell phone…a blackberry. And then he…

Cop: Oooh a blackberry. I always wanted one of those. Does it come with Wi-Fi?

Customer: Yes it doe…That’s not important! So he insists that I take his phone cause (in very bad accent trying to mock the kiosk runner) “Dat one betta!”

Cop: Excuse me?

Customer: Never mind. Anyway…he knocks my blackberry out of my hand and it breaks on the floor. I ask why he did this and he says he didn’t do it. And it happened right in front of my eyes! He says I can’t prove that he didn’t…AHAH! But I can. Wait let me get the remnants of my black berr…

(He stops in mid sentence to notice the scene change)

Customer: What the hell is this?!

Kiosk Runner: (In surfer-dude/hippy accent) Yo dude! What goin on? Hey you wanna check out these rad t-shirts. Im havin a killer sale, dude.

Customer: Who the hell are you? Wait… (he takes a good look at him) You’re the same guy!

Kiosk Runner: Huh?

Customer: Don’t try to fool me! You’re the middle-eastern guy with the cell phones!

Kiosk Runner: Dude, are you calling me like…an imposter?

Customer: Yes I am! But it doesn’t matter. Once I get my blackberry remnants you’ll be expo…

(He looks to find that his blackberry remnants aren’t there)

Customer: Where the hell is my blackberry?!

Kiosk Runner: Blackberry?! Dude I always wanted one of those! Does it come with Way-fay?

Customer: Wi-Fi.

Kiosk Runner: Dude, that’s what I said.

Customer: ARRGHH!! Officer, this man is an imposter. Arrest him!

Kiosk Runner: Prove it.

Customer: WHAT?!

Cop: Sir you are causing a scene over what seems to be a false accusation of this innocent man.

Customer: But…

Cop: I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.

Customer: But…he…my…but…

(The cop escorts him out of the mall. The kiosk runner picks up the pieces of the black berry he hid away and notices that only the battery pack came off. It isn’t broken at all. He puts it back together. He turns it one and takes off his wig and sunglasses. Another customer walks by. The kiosk runner holds up the blackberry)

Kiosk runner: (Back in Middle-eastern accent) Sir! Sir! Can I interest you in buying a blackberry?