Untapped

Unnamed character stands center stage, then utters the following soliloquy

Unnamed: I got so much potential, so much ability, that I can make your children mine. I got talent you couldn’t even dream of. Shit, if allthe world’s a stage, then I’m the only motherfucker on it. Just wait, man, I’ll show you real soon. It’ll be amazing. I mean, I got more moves than Fred Astaire, more emotion, more life than any of Strasberg’s students. I have more depth of character than Hamlet. My sex appeal’s stronger than Marilyn’s, and I’m more saintly than Mother Teresa. I can make women faint and dead men rise. I am more than a demigod. In fact, the entire English language doesn’t have an adjective that can even hint at my ability. My prose is rougher than Hemingway’s and more polished than Nabokov’s. I will astound you. I mean, my commercial appeal is greater than that of Bono. I’m more innovative than Apple and more ubiquitous than Starbucks. And friends, my coffee is free! Oh yes, you people are gonna love me. You’ll buy t-shirts with my name across the chest, and magnets devoted solely to my quotes. I’ll be amazing, totally indescribable. Sit tight. Just wait….

Close curtain/end play, preferably as the character is talking.