Mixed Love

Cast:

Melinda: girlfriend

Jack Allen: boyfriend

Mrs. Allen: Jack’s mother

Dr. Allen: Jack’s dad

Grammy Virginia: Jack’s grandmother


Melinda: (talking to audience) You see this guy. (points to Jack) This is my boyfriend, Jack. We’ve been dating on and off for a good 3 month, and he wants his parents to finally meet me. I have a history of being relatively clumsy, so let’s just say I was doomed for disaster.

Melinda: “Oh, Jack, I’m so nervous. I-I-I embarrass myself when I’m nervous. How ‘bout we come back some other time?”

Jack: “Don’t worry! The family will absolutely love you! I know I do! I want my family to meet the girl of my dreams.”

Melinda: “Me? The girl of your dreams?”

Jack: “No, I was talking about the dry cleaning lady down the street. Of course you, silly!”

Melinda: “Alright, Jack, let’s go in. Just pinch me if I start to say anything stupid”

Enter home.

Jack: “Mother, I’m home!”

Mrs. Allen: “Oh, how good it is to hear your voice again in these walls, Jack!”

Dr. Allen: “Well hello, sport. Welcome home. And who might this young beauty be?”

Jack: “Mom and Dad, I would like you to finally meet the love of my life”

Melinda: (nervously) “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Allen. It is very nice to meet you. I baked you this chocolate cake. Jack told me you love desserts, Mr. Allen”

Dr. Allen: “Actually it’s Doc-tor Allen, and I am allergic to chocolate actually but I guess it’s the thought that counts” (sighs)

Everyone pauses. Melinda turns towards audience.

Melinda: Strike one. Well actually maybe that’s two strikes. What a good first impression, huh?

Play resumes.

Melinda: “Oh, I am very sorry, Doctor Allen. My apologies. Oh, Mrs. Allen, your house is so beautiful. I love how it looks so old yet timeless”

Mrs. Allen: “Actually we just remodeled this part of the home a few months ago”

Everyone pauses. Melinda turns to audience.

Melinda: Strike 2.

Play resumes.

Jack: (coughs) “Well, okay then. Where’s Grammy Virginia? I know she’s around here somewhere!”

Grammy Virginia (very fragile): “Is that my favorite grandson I hear?”

Jack: (hugging Grammy Virginia): “Oh Grammy look how fit you’ve gotten!”

Grammy Virginia: “Oh, boy, you have no idea! Let’s just say I’ve been getting a couple of looks from the hunks at the Bingo gym”

Jack: “Oohhh, Grammy. I would like to introduce you to a special girl in my life”

Melinda: (in a very loud voice) HI IT IS SO NICE TO MEET YOU. YOUR GRAND-SON IS A VERY NICE BOY.

Grammy Virginia: “Look, girly, you don’t need to yell at me. I may be old, but there’s a new invention called a hearing-aid so I can actually hear everything you are saying.”

Everyone pauses. Melinda turns to audience.

Melinda: Strike three. You know what that usually means. Luckily we finally got to eat lunch.

Play resumes.

Melinda: “Oh wow, Mrs. Allen, everything looks delicious” (begins to eat)

Everyone in family stares at her with their hands together ready to pray.

Melinda: “Oh I am so very sorry.”

Grammy Virginia: “It’s alright, girly. The youth these days no longer appreciate being under God’s roof”

Everyone pauses. Melinda talks to audience.

Melinda: Yup. The family loves me. Luckily, I wasn’t asked to say the prayer for obvious reasons.

Dr. Allen: “Jack, would you like to say the prayer?”

Jack: “Oh I would love to. (smiles at Melinda) Lord, we thank you today for this lovely meal before us and for my safe journey home. Thank you for providing me with wonderful, caring parents and a loving, gentle grandmother, and thank you for bringing this beautiful woman, sitting next to me, into my life because I would not know where I would be without my lovely, Jennifer. Amen”

Everyone but Melinda: “Amen”

Melinda looks at him in shock, but the other family members seem satisfied with the prayer.

Melinda: “Wait. Hold up.”

Play pauses. Melinda talks to audience.

Melinda: My name’s Melinda. Jennifer is my twin sister. Strike one million, and I’m out.