Chillin’ With the Swedes

CAST:

INGVAR – A Swedish Viking who has been charged with bringing two Danish captives to the king of Sweden. Rather brash and likely to rush into things without a thought.

YNGVE – INGVAR’s dearest friend, and the more levelheaded of the two. YNGVE is often left to rescue INGVAR when his plans fall through.

Two Scottish captives rescued from Denmark.

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Open: Three men run onstage from the left, one (leading) with arms bared, carrying a sword and shield, the other two (following) huddled together beneath a blanket for warmth. A man already stands at the middle of the right half of the stage, clad similar to the leader of the three. The leader of the three stops several feet from the man, and the two huddled men stop several feet behind him and continue to huddle and shiver.

INGVAR: (Panting from the long run) Yngve, your timing is impeccable.

YNGVE: It would appear so, Ingvar.

INGVAR: (Searching awkwardly) Is there meat left for three?

YNGVE: (Stern, uncaring) There is meat enough. (Sighing, YNGVE shakes his head and makes firm eye contact with INGVAR, who seems desperate to avoid it) Tell me, Ingvar, for I much desire to assuage these thoughts of mine, what was your plan of escape?

INGVAR: (Stunned, purposefully exaggerating windedness) My plan?

YNGVE: (Condescending) Of escape, yes. This was my question, and it is good to know your hearing, at least, has not fled with the rest of your senses! It is nearly a league of ice and water from Danmark to safety, and you believed the Danes would not see your ship leaving their land?

INGVAR: (No longer faking tiredness) Have you no faith in luck?

YNGVE: In broad daylight? I should be so hopeful! Why is it you hold the capacity for scheming so flawlessly against our own superiors, but never against the enemy?

INGVAR: Because I know you will save me! What use is a plan, Yngve? My luck has held often enough before, and against far worse than three score Danes!

YNGVE: (Sighs, annoyed) I do not know which is more pathetic, that you should continue to forgo planning and charge headfirst into unnecessary battles, or that the Danes should continue to fail in killing you despite your recklessness.

INGVAR: (Joking, jovial) It must be the second, for the Danes have not learned from my strength the power of the Swedes, else they would have fled to the mainland!

YNGVE: (Incredulous) Ingvar, you truly had no plan?

INGVAR: In truth? (Stern, serious) I had hoped that we would reach half way across, maybe more, before the Danes caught up to us. Then, I would leap into the water and –

YNGVE: (Furious, shouting and gesticulating) And what? Freeze? And then where would the King’s guests be?

INGVAR: (Laughing) You forget, Yngve, we are Swedes! We do not freeze, we become marginally chilled!

YNGVE: (Still angry) Then you should have marginally chilled to death!

INGVAR: But the Scotts would have made it.

YNGVE: (Resigned, shaking his head, mumbling) I think the Danes’ storm has marginally chilled your mind, my friend.

INGVAR: (Laughing full force as he slaps his friend on the back, he grins) That it may have, but these Scottish lovelies, courtesy of Danmark, will be more than marginally chilled should we not get them to the camp soon.

YNGVE: True, true. (Grinning) All right, you Scotsmen, enough chilling. Now it is time for feasting and warmth. We’d not want the Swedish king to be accused of attempting to freeze his guests, after all.

INGVAR: No, only his men!

EXIT.