Minutes Away From Death

Two strangers, a man and a woman, are sitting next to each other on a plane. An emergency

announcement is made: “Brace for impact”. The plane is about to go down as the woman turns to the

man and tries to convince him to marry her to fulfill her goal of marrying before the age of 30.

Props needed: 2 chairs and a ring

Both are sitting curled up (hands over the knees in a bent position) to brace for impact.

Dialogue:

Woman: *Sits straight* Will you marry me?

Man: *Sits straight, gives the lady a strange look*

Woman: Will you marry me? (In a louder tone this time)

Man: Lady, pardon me, but I barely know you.

Woman: Well, now would be the time to get to know each other! What is your name?

Man: This is not happening right now… (whispers)

Woman: What is it?

Man: William. Does it really matter anymore?

Woman: Well I am Susan, William. *Takes ring off of index finger and gives it to the man*. Take it!

Man: *Takes the ring*. What for?

Woman: Don’t you know the procedure? You get down on your knee and ask me, “Will you marry me

Susan?”

Man: Lady, this is not the time! If I would be you, I would brace myself and pray. *Curls up*

Woman: (Almost screaming) I am doomed to be an old, unwanted and never married woman in the

afterlife if you don’t propose to me right this moment! (Softer voice)- I don’t you think you really want

to deny me of my last wish…

Man: Fine! *Gets up, moves to the other side of the woman and gets down on his knee*. Will you marry

me Susan? (loud and clear)

Woman: Oh yes! (exclaims joyfully)

Man: I don’t feel right…

Woman: Oh don’t pull the guilt trap on me now!

Man: I mean I’m really not a supporter of polygamy or infidelity..

Woman: Well pretend that you’ve divorced your other wife! *Looks at his finger* You’re not wearing

your wedding ring anyway!

Man: Neither one of us has a ring…

Woman: What kind of marriage is that?

*Captain announces that “The emergency is over, there is no more need to brace for impact. We are

back on route”.*

Woman: Well, now you’re going to have to tell whatever her name is…that you are now my husband

and not hers! By the way, what is your wife’s name?

Man: Actually, it’s Mike…

*Both stare at each other*

THE END

Teenagers at Their Finest

Welcome. Please have a seat. Now, this is a formal interview, but please,

just be yourself. The important thing to remember is that I just want to get

to know you to see if our school would be a good fit for you. Let’s start with

something simple. Tell me about yourself. Who are you?

o I don’t know.

As good an answer as any, I guess. But is there anything you can say?

Anything that defines you that would make our school appealing to you?

o I don’t know.

Well, all right then, moving on…what is it about this university that brought

you here? What do you find interesting about this establishment?

o I don’t know.

Oh, c’mon. You’re here; there must be something that caught your attention.

o I don’t know.

Really, sir, this interview may determine your whole future, your life! Don’t

you think that “I don’t know” is a bit of an underwhelming response to my

most basic questions?

o I don’t know.

Do you think this is funny? Like this is all just a joke?

o I don’t know.

(Depression) This can’t be happening to me. How can I make you understand

how important this interview is?

o I don’t know.

(Anger) Arrggghhh stop that right now! Just answer my questions! These

aren’t difficult, they’re just standard questions, why won’t you answer me?

Answer me, God damn it!

o I don’t know.

(Bargaining) Oh God, please make it stop! What can I give you to make you

leave? Anything, name it, it’s yours! What do you want from me?

o I don’t know.

(Depression) I just can’t stand it anymore. Why won’t you just tell me what I

want to know? Why can’t you just follow the rules like everyone else?

o I don’t know.

(Acceptance) Well, I guess I set myself up for this, asking you to be yourself.

Is there anything you do want to talk about?

o I don’t know.

Okay then. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll just go and get some work done. You

can excuse yourself whenever you want to.

o (Sits for a while, gets up, moves to door, turns) So I’m in, right?

Oh, yes. Definitely.

o (Walks out door)

The Smart Board

The idea behind this skit is the simple problems some teachers face with Smart Boards, like the remote sometimes doesn’t work and orienting the machine, but the Smart Board can speak out loud to the teacher, the Board does most of the talking as the teacher just stares in aw.

Teacher: Agh why isn’t this working!

SB: I’m not feeling too well.

Teacher: Well, what can I do to make you feel better, because I need you for my class?

SB: Try pushing the button on the projector and not my remote.

Teacher: Ok, but now I can’t write in a line!

SB: Even though you’ve turned me on, this doesn’t mean I am oriented; just push a few more buttons to get me straight.

Teacher: ok…

SB: ERROR ERROR AUTO RESTART

Teacher: This thing is crap; I’m just going to unplug it!

SB: (turn back on quickly) No no, stop, I’m sorry I’m just a little tired.

Teacher: You’re a machine, you don’t sweat, you don’t get tired, boohoo, suck it up!

SB: ERROR ERROR, SHUT UP SHUT UP

Teacher : I don’t need you, I’ll just go the old fashion way, the chalk board.

SB: That wall will never be like me.

Teacher: I know, it doesn’t get tired, you big smart baby!

Chillin’ With the Swedes

CAST:

INGVAR – A Swedish Viking who has been charged with bringing two Danish captives to the king of Sweden. Rather brash and likely to rush into things without a thought.

YNGVE – INGVAR’s dearest friend, and the more levelheaded of the two. YNGVE is often left to rescue INGVAR when his plans fall through.

Two Scottish captives rescued from Denmark.

--

Open: Three men run onstage from the left, one (leading) with arms bared, carrying a sword and shield, the other two (following) huddled together beneath a blanket for warmth. A man already stands at the middle of the right half of the stage, clad similar to the leader of the three. The leader of the three stops several feet from the man, and the two huddled men stop several feet behind him and continue to huddle and shiver.

INGVAR: (Panting from the long run) Yngve, your timing is impeccable.

YNGVE: It would appear so, Ingvar.

INGVAR: (Searching awkwardly) Is there meat left for three?

YNGVE: (Stern, uncaring) There is meat enough. (Sighing, YNGVE shakes his head and makes firm eye contact with INGVAR, who seems desperate to avoid it) Tell me, Ingvar, for I much desire to assuage these thoughts of mine, what was your plan of escape?

INGVAR: (Stunned, purposefully exaggerating windedness) My plan?

YNGVE: (Condescending) Of escape, yes. This was my question, and it is good to know your hearing, at least, has not fled with the rest of your senses! It is nearly a league of ice and water from Danmark to safety, and you believed the Danes would not see your ship leaving their land?

INGVAR: (No longer faking tiredness) Have you no faith in luck?

YNGVE: In broad daylight? I should be so hopeful! Why is it you hold the capacity for scheming so flawlessly against our own superiors, but never against the enemy?

INGVAR: Because I know you will save me! What use is a plan, Yngve? My luck has held often enough before, and against far worse than three score Danes!

YNGVE: (Sighs, annoyed) I do not know which is more pathetic, that you should continue to forgo planning and charge headfirst into unnecessary battles, or that the Danes should continue to fail in killing you despite your recklessness.

INGVAR: (Joking, jovial) It must be the second, for the Danes have not learned from my strength the power of the Swedes, else they would have fled to the mainland!

YNGVE: (Incredulous) Ingvar, you truly had no plan?

INGVAR: In truth? (Stern, serious) I had hoped that we would reach half way across, maybe more, before the Danes caught up to us. Then, I would leap into the water and –

YNGVE: (Furious, shouting and gesticulating) And what? Freeze? And then where would the King’s guests be?

INGVAR: (Laughing) You forget, Yngve, we are Swedes! We do not freeze, we become marginally chilled!

YNGVE: (Still angry) Then you should have marginally chilled to death!

INGVAR: But the Scotts would have made it.

YNGVE: (Resigned, shaking his head, mumbling) I think the Danes’ storm has marginally chilled your mind, my friend.

INGVAR: (Laughing full force as he slaps his friend on the back, he grins) That it may have, but these Scottish lovelies, courtesy of Danmark, will be more than marginally chilled should we not get them to the camp soon.

YNGVE: True, true. (Grinning) All right, you Scotsmen, enough chilling. Now it is time for feasting and warmth. We’d not want the Swedish king to be accused of attempting to freeze his guests, after all.

INGVAR: No, only his men!

EXIT.